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“Unfortunately when you’re me, you have to think of everything,” she says with a tired sigh as she sits across from me. She leans forward, her elbows on the table, and steeples her fingers under her chin, looking at me thoughtfully. “You’d think I would be used to it by now, but sometimes, whoooo boy . . . it’s like the rug is pulled right out from under me. Today is a good example of that. I had originally thought we could have a little girls’ night here on the dock, but once those boats started showing up . . .”
I cringe. “I’m so sorry about that.”
“It comes with the territory,” she says with a shrug, sitting back in her chair and resting her hands on her bump, which is looking more pronounced than ever.
“But it’s my fault.”
She frowns at me. “Come on. It’s not your fault. How is it your fault?”
“I’m the one who invited Harrison.”
“And I’m the one who made him go,” she says. “Besides, I’m not concerned about what happened. I heard Harrison’s side of the story, and I’m sure yours is the same . . . He said he was defending you.”
I nod. “He was.”
“From your ex too. I tell you, if I were there, it would have been ugly. I have a temper that comes out at the worst times. Or perhaps just the right times. But it’s all bad news when everyone is watching your every move.” She pauses and gives me a small smile. “I’m glad you had Harrison with you. Don’t think otherwise.”
I take a sip of my wine. It smells of green apple and honey, and it’s so crisp and divine, I immediately relax. “I wouldn’t have gone without him. I don’t think I’ve been to the local bar since . . . well, a long time.”
“Not your scene?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I mean . . . sometimes I feel like I’m missing out. In fact, just being there made me feel a little more connected to where I live. I don’t necessarily like some aspects of the community, but I like feeling as if I’m part of something, and I guess, I don’t know, hiding here in the trees makes me realize that I’m hiding from a lot of things.”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Life?”
“You’re a schoolteacher. That makes you a part of the community. You’re responsible for the well-being and teaching of the community’s children.”
“I know. But it feels disconnected. It’s so much easier to bond with my students. Easier than making friends among the teachers. I’ve lived here for so many years, but I made the big mistake of getting involved with Joey, with my ex, right off the bat. Everything was about him, and whatever friendships I had were shallow as a result. By the time they could develop into anything really meaningful, we broke up and I was left at the wayside, an outcast. People made their decisions about me without even knowing me, and I knew I had too many hardships in my life that they wouldn’t be too understanding of. I wanted to protect myself, protect my mother.”
“You know, you’re describing my own life,” Monica says. “Back when I was doing music, the press was different. I was just a Black singer to the media. No one cared enough to dig deep about my own family. Yes, my parents are very lovely people and they’re still together in Seattle. But my father cheated on my mother when she was young, and I have a half brother that a lot of people didn’t know about; my mom, like yours, has struggled with mental illness. It’s a story like so many, but people only cared about my singing and my body and my dancing. Shallow stuff. Then I met Eddie and . . . it all changed. Suddenly everything was on the table. Every bad thing I ever did, every ex I dated, everything I said when I was drunk. The tabloids found it and exploited it and did what they could to mount a campaign against me. We couldn’t hide our relationship for long; I was thrown right into that fire. Believe me, I know what it’s like to have shallow friendships, to feel like you don’t belong, to feel that you’ll never be accepted as you are. I know it because I’m living it too.”
Okay, now I feel a little silly, because as bad as I think I have it, it’s nothing compared to what Monica has had to go through.
“Then how do you do it?” I ask. “How do you get out there? If I were you, I’d be hiding all the time.”
“What do you think I’m doing now?” she says through a dry laugh. “I’m hiding. We’re literally inside a boat because I wanted some time away from the house, the other place I’m hiding in, because the media is just outside there with their telephoto lenses. We came here to hide because I didn’t want to do it anymore. I know that this is the life I chose, that I chose Eddie and everything that came with him, and I have no regrets. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it or that I have to put up with it all the time. It doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t race and I don’t lose my breath every time I step out in public. I know I’m strong, but it’s impossible to be strong all the time, and as much as they said we were running away by coming to Canada, they were right!”
