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“Yeah,” I say softly, watching the ocean breeze move the branches of pine at the end of the deck. “I should have listened.”
“You didn’t. Because they were your mistakes to make. All I can say is thank god you found out about Joey when you did. I know that it was so tough for you, sweetie, and I know it was embarrassing. But that was worth it, wasn’t it?”
I nod. “It was. And I know I’ve made mistakes. But I also know how to look out for them now. I know my personality. I know I’ve . . .” I don’t want to mention trauma, because it’s trauma she’s helped generate, and I’m not trying to play the blame game, not when we’re finally talking like this. “I’ve been through things that have shaped me, but I also know how to dig deep and get better. And you know why? Because of my therapist. She helped me see why I was doing the things I was, and she gave me the tools to change it.”
I expect my mom to shut down at the mention of therapy, but she only sighs and leans back in her chair. “I really hope you find the right man one day, Piper,” she says. She rolls her head to the side to look at me. “And that’s what Harrison is. He’s a man. He’s not a boy. He’s not here to play games with you. That’s why I like him. He comes from a strong, earnest, kind place. I know that now. I can feel it.”
I swallow thickly. She’s right. He is a man. Everyone else was just a boy, as fragile and slippery as a leaf in the wind.
“You know we’re not . . . ,” I start. “He’s just a friend.”
“I know,” she says. “I know that’s what you keep saying. I know it’s what you both want to believe. But I’ve seen it on your face from day one, and now I see it on his. Chemistry is hard to fake and even harder to hide. You have it in spades. And even though I’m your mother and the last person you want to confide in, I still know you. That man has your heart. Maybe it’s time you admit it, if not to me, to yourself. And to him.”
No. No way. My heart . . . what even is my heart? It’s been this beating, aching creature in my chest, hiding behind my ribs, afraid to bare itself lest I get hurt again. I’ve kept it tucked away, having no reason to let it free. And yet with Harrison, it wants to be free. It wants to. And I think, no matter what I do, I’m going to eventually fall in love with him.
But what good is that when there is no relationship to speak of? All we have between us is a stolen moment of passion and kisses few and far between. I don’t even know if he feels the same way I do, and I wish it wasn’t important, but it is.
“I’m fine,” I tell her begrudgingly. “It’s just a crush.”
“Well, whatever you want to call it, I just want you to know that I approve. However you guys make it work, I’m behind you one hundred percent.” She pauses and smiles devilishly. “Besides, the man can bake. That pie was the best I’ve ever had all because of him. He’s a keeper.”
“You just want delicious pastries,” I tell her.
“Don’t you?”
I laugh. The fact that Harrison can bake is a bonus. I’m sure there are a million bonuses about him. And if I’m lucky enough, I’ll get to know them all.
The two of us sit on the deck for a little longer, but the heat is starting to become unbearable.
“I think I’m going to go to the lake and cool off,” I tell my mother as I go inside. “You interested?”
She shakes her head, her eyes closed. I can tell she’s heading in for another nap.
I go to my bedroom and slip on a yellow bikini before pulling on a loose linen dress on top. I grab a towel, place a wide-brimmed hat on my head, slip on my sunglasses and flip-flops, and I’m out the door.
I throw the towel into the back seat and am about to get in the car when I glance up through the trees at the tiny glimpse of the royals’ roof.
Hmmm.
Why do I have to wait around for Harrison? Why can’t I make my own things happen?
I head up through the brush that separates our properties, my legs scratched by the salal bushes and ferns, not even bothering with the driveway, and head across to their front door.
I knock and glance around, expecting the men in the trees to rappel down at any moment and accost me with their polite but gruff British ways. I’ve never come here on my own without being invited, and there are so many massive trees they could be hiding in.
