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“Come on. Bed.” I pull him by the hand.
“How?” he snaps. “This is intolerable.”
“Oh . . . boohoo.” I roll my eyes as I climb into bed.
He cuddles my back and pumps me with his hips. “I’ll give you fucking boohoo.”
I wake alone, and exhausted.
The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:38 a.m.—we’ve hardly slept at all. I throw on some clothes, go to the bathroom, and make my way downstairs. “Elliot,” I call. No answer. I walk to the sliding glass door and look out to see a car as it comes up the driveway. Who is it now?
Elliot meets the car and a man gets out; they fall into a deep discussion and head toward the paddock.
Oh no, who’s that?
I quickly walk out of the house. “Hello.”
The man turns to me. “Hello. I’m Mathew, the vet.”
“Oh.” Relief fills me.
A trace of a smile crosses Elliot’s face; he knows who I thought it was, a hired goat hitman. “This is Kathryn.”
“Hello.”
“He’s this way.” Elliot gestures to Billy’s paddock.
For fifteen minutes we both watch in silence as the vet checks Billy all over.
“Well,” Mathew says. “You have nothing to worry about, he’s perfectly healthy.”
Elliot sighs. “What’s wrong with him then? He keeps running away, he’s crying all the time.”
“He’s looking for a mate,” Mathew says. “It’s normal for a goat of around this age to want . . .”
“He’s horny?” Elliot fumes.
“Figuratively speaking. Yes.”
Elliot glares at Billy and gives a subtle shake of his head. “How old is he?”
“Around three years, at a guess.”
“And how long do goats live?”
“Approximately fifteen years.”
Elliot exhales heavily. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time, please send me the bill.”
“No problem at all.” They shake hands. “Goodbye, Kathryn.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
He drives off and Elliot marches back down to Billy. “Are you fucking kidding me? You kept me up all night because you’re horny?” he whispers angrily. “Just what I need, a sex maniac goat.” He storms back up to the house.
“What do you expect?” I call as I pat Billy’s head. “He is your son . . . after all.”
“Shut up,” Elliot calls as he walks. “I’m not in the mood for your shit today, either.”
I walk down the street with Daniel, who’s come to have lunch with me; it feels like forever since I’ve seen him. “Can we have Thai?”
“No.” I sigh.
“Why not?”
“Because then I’ll have to eat an entire kilogram of rice and I’ll be tired as fuck all afternoon.”
“Hmm, the dreaded carbohydrate coma.” He exhales as if exasperated and I feel guilty.
“Fine.” I sigh. “Thai. I’ll have you know I’m tired as fuck today. Elliot’s goat kept us up all night.”
“What?” He screws up his face. “Elliot Miles has a goat?”
“Yep. And ducks, and a weird sheep . . . -like thing.”
He widens his eyes as if surprised. “Who knew?”
I giggle.
“When are you going to invite me over?”
“Soon.” I shrug. “It’s only early days, you know.”
“Oh my God, look who’s coming.” He looks up ahead.
“Who?”
“It’s Rande Gerber.”
“Who?”
“Cindy Crawford’s husband.”
I screw up my face as I peer down the street.
“He’s gone now.” He cranes his neck to look. “I swear it was him.”
“Let me ask you this, if you got a chance to sleep with Cindy or her husband, who would you choose?”
“Hmm.” He thinks for a moment. “That’s an excellent question.” He twists his lips as if really thinking hard. “Probably Rande.”
“Okay.” I smile as I think of another. “If you had the chance to sleep with me or Elliot Miles, who would you choose?”
He chuckles and throws his arm around me. “No contest.” He kisses me on the forehead. “You.”
I smile. “Why?”
“Well, because you are totally fucking hot.”
“And?”
“I’m pretty sure Elliot Miles isn’t going to take it, which means I would have to, and to be honest I think he’s a little too much man meat than I could handle. I’m not entirely sure I would survive it.”
I burst out laughing. “You’re right, he is a whole lot of man meat. Even for me.”
At 7 p.m. the Bentley pulls into the driveway at Enchanted, behind a truck. We’re just getting home from work and are exhausted.
No sleep last night has really taken its toll.
Andrew parks the car and it’s then I see the herd of goats in a pen behind the truck. “What’s going on?”
Elliot gets out and smiles at the men. “Thank you for coming,” he says. “I’ll go get him.”
Huh?
Elliot disappears, and a few minutes later returns with Billy on a rope leash.
“As you requested, Mr. Miles, these are the three-year-old females that we have.”
What in the world?
Elliot lets Billy into the pen with the goats. “Pick one,” he instructs him.
Billy’s little tail begins to wag and he sniffs all of the goats.
Oh my God . . . Elliot had female goats brought here so that Billy could choose his own mate.
