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It hit me. “That’s why his hair is so short.”
“Yeah.”
“How long ago did she die?”
“It was only three months ago, Felicity.”
Oh my God. “Where are her parents?”
“They went back to the States, but I know they’re forever grateful that Britney spent her last days here with Sig.”
I’d thought losing Leo was heartbreaking, but clearly there were far worse ways to lose someone. Hearing this story made me realize how fragile life is.
Leo stood. “Come on. I think we need a change of pace before we see him again.”
We walked back to where the animals were located, and a farmhand brought out two horses. We each climbed atop one and took a leisurely ride around the estate.
“I’m still thinking about Sig,” I said as we rode.
“I figured as much—probably the one thing to take your mind off of us, eh?”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
After several minutes of riding in silence, he said, “Talk to me, Felicity. Forget about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
The horses neighed in unison.
“I’m thinking you reap what you sow in life. Every bit of pain I’m feeling right now is my own doing.”
Leo seemed taken aback. He pulled on the reins to stop his horse. So I did the same.
“Tell me what you mean,” he demanded.
“Leo, how could I have let you go? You asked me flat out if I would consider coming here, being with you, and I shot it down faster than you could even blink. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was scared—scared of how strong my feelings were, maybe. And taking a chance on you back then would have meant putting someone else first for the first time in my life, and that’s damn scary when you grow up believing people will always hurt you and you should never depend on anyone. But the truth is, I made that decision. So, all of this—the situation we’re in, the situation I put you in right now—it’s my fault.”
His face reddened. “Your fault because you weren’t willing to throw yourself into a world you knew nothing about for a man you’d known only a matter of weeks? And don’t forget, I was the one who left you, Felicity. Not the other way around. And I walked away again like a coward when I saw you with Matt in Philadelphia because I assumed you were happy. I could’ve said something. I convinced myself the trip had been a momentary lapse in sanity and that you were where you were meant to be—happy with him in the big city, just like your vision board. So you see, I walked away not once, but twice.” He reached out and cupped my cheek. “None of this is your fault, beautiful. Do you understand?”
I closed my eyes, relishing his gentle touch, allowing myself to feel the comfort in it for a few moments without letting guilt creep in. “It is what it is now, Leo. Fate just hasn’t been on our side,” I whispered.
After that, we rode in silence until we returned the horses.
Once they’d been led back to the barn, we paid another visit to Ludicrous so I could say goodbye. It had to be about time for Leo to drive me home. I was sure Darcie was counting the minutes.
We were almost back at the house when Leo stopped walking and faced me.
“Look at me, Felicity.”
I looked up into his eyes.
“I know so much has changed…” he said. “But it’s still me. I’m here. You can tell me anything. I want you to tell me what to do. How can I fix this?”
I said the first thing that came to mind, heeding the warnings in my gut and the voice inside my head. “Tell me to go home.”
He shook his head. “I can’t seem to do that.”
My heart was raw after everything I’d learned today. “The only thing more painful than saying goodbye to you once is standing in front of you right now, feeling all the same emotions and not being able to touch you. And I wish you didn’t still look at me the same way you always have, on top of it all.”
His eyes wandered down my neck. He then shut them abruptly, as if to punish himself. The fucked-up thing was, the sexual chemistry between us felt stronger than ever. We’d always had an intense spark, but it seemed a thousand times worse, fueled by the inability to satisfy it.
Needing an escape, I looked down at my watch. “How long did you tell her you’d be gone?”
“A couple of hours.”
“It’s well beyond that. We should go.”
He bit his bottom lip. “All right.”
We continued walking back to the house without saying anything further.
Sig bid his friend goodbye before joining us out front.
“I suppose everything is all sorted between you two, yeah?” Sig teased. “Did you at least see your horse…Ridiculous? Is that his name?”
