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A is incorrect. While at Camp Green Lake, you will have to make all kinds of life-or-death decisions, ready or not.
B is incorrect. There are no proper authorities at Camp Green Lake.
C is incorrect. There is always someone meaner and tougher than you are.
D is incorrect. You can pretend the snake isn’t there, but the snake will not pretend you’re not there. You will not survive Camp Green Lake by ignoring danger.
E is incorrect. This isn’t a Disney movie.
The correct answer is Q, as in: Quickly, get away from the snake. Walk, don’t run.
This wasn’t really a test on rattlesnakes. It was a test on making choices. You can’t let anybody else tell you what your choices are. Sometimes they won’t give you the right choice. If you’re going to survive Camp Green Lake, you must always make the right choice, whether it’s given to you or not.
In fact, sometimes it’s best not to answer anyone’s questions. Zero knew that. He was a kid in D tent who hardly spoke, so a lot of people thought he was stupid. Zero wasn’t stupid. He only spoke when he wanted to say something.
Do you remember what the police officer said to you when you were arrested? You have the right to remain silent. Most people talk way too much.
4
Armpit’s Suggestion
Mr. Pendanski keeps a suggestion box just outside the office door. A pencil hangs on a string, and there’s a pad of paper. On each sheet of paper is a place to put your name, your tent, and your suggestion.
“We’re all looking for ways we can improve,” he told us. “You, me, the Warden. We’re all in this together, and if anybody has any ideas that could have a positive effect on our lives, it will be greatly appreciated.”
Most of the suggestions were what you’d expect, and I can’t repeat them here. Other suggestions just had no chance. “Get pizza delivered for dinner.” Even if pizza didn’t cost too much, the nearest pizza parlor was over a hundred miles away. “Friday-night dances with a Girl Scout camp.” As if parents would let their daughters hang out with us. “Why don’t the counselors dig one day a week, to see what it’s like?” Yeah, right.
Squid once wrote, “Get a pencil that doesn’t break.” Then he broke the pencil. Somehow, he got caught and had to wash pots and pans for a week.
A lot of the guys believed that the Warden watched us on hidden cameras, so she might have seen Squid break the pencil. I don’t think so. I don’t think the Warden cares about Mr. Pendanski’s pencil.
I once made a suggestion. It was a way to save paper. “Get rid of the suggestion box.” I didn’t give my name.
Magnet once wrote: “How about letting us listen to music while we dig?” He even signed his name. Magnet, D tent. He thought it would be a good idea because the rhythm might help us dig faster, but Mr. Pendanski never even commented on it.
“He never even reads the suggestions,” X-Ray insisted. “It’s just a way to let the campers blow off steam.”
But then Armpit came up with a suggestion. You could tell he’d been thinking about it a long time, which surprised me because I’d never realized Armpit thought about much. It had to do with the showers.
Water was very scarce. It was expensive to bring water into Camp Green Lake. We were allowed only a four-minute shower every day. After four minutes, the shower shut off automatically.
Those four minutes were the best part of the day. Four minutes of heaven in a day of hell. The water wasn’t artificially heated, but with the sun beating down on it all day, it was just warm enough to be comfortable.
“I was thinking about putting a suggestion in Mom’s suggestion box,” Armpit said.
In case you haven’t noticed, we all had nicknames. I was Caveman. Mom was our nickname for Mr. Pendanski.
It was about eight-thirty at night. We were all lying in our cots, but no one was asleep yet.
“This I gotta hear,” said Squid.
“Wouldn’t it better if we could break up our shower time?” asked Armpit.
“What are you talking about?” asked X-Ray.
“You waste water when you put on soap,” Armpit said. “What if the water only went for forty-five seconds, then turned off? Just long enough to get you wet all over. Then you could take as much time as you need to get the soap on. Then turn the water back on for three minutes and fifteen seconds.”
He’d even done the math.
