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But there ain’t no net beneath the high wire.
Nearing the top, he starts to perspire.
He’s climbing out of the frying pan . . .
And into the fire!
29
There was a long line at the ticket counter, but Armpit breezed right past it and went to the one for first-class passengers, where there was almost no wait. The ticket agent called him Mr. Johnson.
He went through security without being searched, which surprised him because they stopped a middle-aged bald guy with glasses. Even Armpit knew he looked more dangerous than that guy did.
A couple of hours later he was flying over the Rocky Mountains and eating a caramel sundae. The man beside him lived in San Francisco.
“You ever been in an earthquake?” Armpit asked.
“Lots of times. Nothing to worry about. You just duck under a desk or stand in a doorway until the shaking stops.”
Armpit had an image of himself cowering under a desk with plaster and bricks crashing around him, and big gaps in the floor opening on all sides.
The plane landed ten minutes early, at exactly one o’clock Pacific daylight time. Armpit took the escalator down to the baggage claim, where he spotted a man holding a sign with THEODORE JOHNSON on it. The man had a baggage cart, but Armpit told him that all he had was his backpack, which he carried himself to the limo.
It was hot and sunny at the airport, although nothing like the oppressive heat of Texas, but when he arrived at the Wellington Arms Hotel in downtown San Francisco twenty-five minutes later, fog had filled the air and the temperature was downright cold. It was hard to believe this was the middle of July. He wished he’d brought a jacket.
Ginny will never believe it, he thought as he took a breath of ocean air. It was like the whole city was air-conditioned. There was also a freshness to the air that he didn’t get in Texas, where it seemed that the same hot and humid air stayed in one place all summer long, becoming more stale and stagnant by the minute.
A doorman asked if he needed help with his luggage, but Armpit told him no thanks, showing that his backpack was all he had.
When he walked through the revolving door, it seemed like he had stepped into a palace. Once again he thought of Ginny. He wished she could see this. “Grand” and “spectacular.” Those were the words he’d use when telling her about it. All around were giant chandeliers and ornate mirrors. “Ornate.” That was another word he’d use.
A thin, attractive Asian woman wearing a blue pantsuit approached him. “Mr. Johnson?”
“Yeah, that’s me.” She was the fourth person to call him Mr. Johnson that day.
“It’s a pleasure to have you with us. I’m Nancy Young.”
He shook her hand. A brass name tag attached to her blazer had her name and the words VIP GUEST RELATIONS.
“Let me know if there’s anything you need.” She gave him an envelope with the keys to his room and minibar. “You’re on the twenty-first floor. Everything’s already been taken care of. Do you need a bellman?”
“No, I just have my backpack is all.”
She explained that he was on a restricted floor and would need to use his room key in the elevator. “Would you like me to show you how that works?”
“No, that’s all right.” He thought about asking her what he should do in case of an earthquake but didn’t want to sound like a wimp. The twenty-first floor was pretty high up. It didn’t seem like ducking under a desk would do much good if the whole building fell over.
He looked around for the elevators, then started off in the wrong direction, but Nancy Young stopped him. “The elevators are right over there,” she said.
Now that he saw them, he wondered how he had missed them in the first place. They were right out in the open. “Sorry, I’ve never been in this hotel before.”
“Yes, it can be quite confusing,” she said without even a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
She walked with him to the elevator, then showed him how to insert his room key card into the slot to gain access to the twenty-first floor.
“Enjoy your stay.”
His hotel room turned out to be a two-room suite. A fruit and cheese plate had been left for him on a coffee table in his sitting area, compliments of the hotel. He cut off a slice of very hard cheese and put it on a cracker. It tasted bitter, but he figured it was supposed to taste that way. He popped a couple of red grapes into his mouth.
