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“Sure it is, Paul,” said the pigtail. “Pigtails are meant to be pulled. That’s what we’re here for.”
“Tell that to Leslie,” said Paul.
“Leslie won’t mind,” said the pigtail. “I promise.”
“I bet,” said Paul. “Just like she didn’t mind the last time.”
“You just didn’t pull hard enough,” said the pigtail. “Leslie likes us pulled real hard.”
“Really?” asked Paul.
“Cross my heart,” said the pigtail, “the harder, the better.”
“Okay,” said Paul. “but if you’re lying…”
“I promise,” said the pigtail.
Paul grabbed the left pigtail. It felt good in his hand. He pulled as hard as he could.
“Yaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” screamed Leslie.
Mrs. Jewls asked, “Paul, did you pull Leslie’s pigtail again?”
“No,” said Paul. “I pulled the other one.”
All the children laughed.
“Are you trying to be funny?” asked Mrs. Jewls.
“No,” said Paul. “I was trying to be fair. I couldn’t pull one and not the other.”
The children laughed again.
“Pigtails are meant to be pulled,” Paul concluded.
Mrs. Jewls put a check next to Paul’s name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.
But at last Paul was satisfied. True, his name was on the blackboard with a check next to it, but that really didn’t matter. All he had to do was stay out of trouble the rest of the day, and his name would be erased. It’s easy to stay out of trouble when you have the best seat in the class.
In fact, Paul could do this every day. He could pull Leslie’s pigtails twice, and then stay out of trouble the rest of the day. There was nothing Leslie could do about it.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Leslie screamed, “Yaaaahhhhhhhh!”
Mrs. Jewls circled Paul’s name and sent him home early on the kindergarten bus. Nobody would believe that he hadn’t pulled Leslie’s pigtail again.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
11
Dana
Dana had four beautiful eyes. She wore glasses. But her eyes were so beautiful that the glasses only made her prettier. With two eyes she was pretty. With four eyes she was beautiful. With six eyes she would have been even more beautiful. And if she had a hundred eyes, all over her face and her arms and her feet, why, she would have been the most beautiful creature in the world.
But poor Dana wasn’t covered from head to foot with beautiful eyes. She was covered with mosquito bites.
Mrs. Jewls picked up her yardstick and said, “Now it’s time for arithmetic.”
“Oh, no, Mrs. Jewls,” said Dana. “I can’t do arithmetic. I itch all over. I can’t concentrate.”
