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John put his head on the pillow and swung his legs up. He started to fall one way, but Nancy pushed him back up. Then he started to fall another way, but Calvin straightened him out. John kept falling a little bit this way and that way until at last he found his center of balance.
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“Hey, look at me. Look at me,” said John. “I’m up. I’m really up. I’m standing on my head. I found my center of balance. It’s beautiful. I can read the blackboard! Hey, Calvin, bring me a book, and you don’t have to turn it upside down. Ha Ha. Hey, who, aaaaaahhhh….”
BAMM!! While Calvin went to get the book, John fell flat on his face.
“You better stay off my head, Joe,” he warned.
“Are you all right, John?” asked Mrs. Jewls.
“Yes, I think so. I feel a little funny. Hey! I can still read the blackboard, and I’m not upside down. I can read right side up now. When I fell, I must have flipped my brain or something.”
“That is wonderful, John,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Here, put the pillow back under my desk. As a reward you may have a Tootsie Roll pop. They are in the coffee can on top of my desk.”
John placed the pillow on top of her desk. Then he looked under the desk, but he couldn’t find the Tootsie Roll pops anywhere.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
18
Leslie
Leslie had five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot. For each hand she had an arm, and for each foot she had a leg. She was a very lucky girl. And she had two lovely, long brown pigtails that reached all the way down to her waist.
When Mrs. Jewls asked a question, Leslie could raise o
ne of her hands.
When Leslie was adding, she could count on her fingers.
When Paul pulled one of her pigtails, she could kick him with one foot while standing on the other.
But Leslie had one problem. She didn’t know what to do with her toes. She had ten adorable little toes and nothing to do with them. As far as she could tell, they served no useful purpose.
“Suck your toes. That’s what I do,” said Sharie.
But Leslie’s foot wouldn’t reach her mouth.
“Well, that’s all toes are good for,” said Sharie. She put her foot in her mouth and went to sleep.
“No,” thought Leslie. “They must be good for something. They just have to be.”
During recess, she asked Dana. “Dana, what do you do with your toes?”
“I scratch the back of my legs,” said Dana. “First I scratch my left leg with my right foot. Then I scratch my right leg with my left foot.”
“But my legs don’t itch,” said Leslie.
“That’s good,” said Dana. “In that case you can scratch my legs. With your help I can scratch both legs at the same time.”
“No, never mind,” said Leslie. She walked up behind Louis, the yard teacher, and hopped on his shoulders.
“Louis,” said Leslie. “I don’t know what to do with my toes.”
Louis tugged her foot. “Yes, that is a serious problem,” he said, “but I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll take them off your hands for you, or rather, your feet. Just cut them off and give them to me.”
“What?” asked Leslie.
