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“Hey, now wait a second,” said Ron. “Don’t go blaming it all on me. You’re half the team, too, you know.” And with that, he punched Louis in the stomach.
And he punched a heck of a lot harder than he kicked.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
22
The Three Erics
In Mrs. Jewls’s class there were three children named Eric: Eric Fry, Eric Bacon, and Eric Ovens. They were known throughout the school for being fat. Eric Fry sat at this end of the room. Eric Bacon sat in the middle of the room. And Eric Ovens sat at that end of the room. There was a joke around Wayside School that if all three Erics were ever at the same end of the room at the same time, the whole school would tip over.
Eric Bacon hated jokes like that. That’s not surprising. After all, he wasn’t even fat. In fact, he was the skinniest kid in Mrs. Jewls’s class. But nobody seemed to notice. The other two Erics were fat, and so everyone just thought that all Erics were fat.
“But I’m not fat!” Eric Bacon insisted.
“What’s your name?” asked Jason.
“Eric,” said Eric Bacon.
“Then you’re fat,” Jason concluded.
And pretty soon, skinny little Eric Bacon, the skinniest kid in Mrs. Jewls’s class, had the nickname “Fatso.”
Eric Fry really was fat. He was also the best athlete in Mrs. Jewls’s class. His body was solid muscle. However, nobody ever noticed.
The other two Erics weren’t very good at sports. Eric Ovens was clumsy. Eric (“Fatso”) Bacon was a good athlete for his size, but because he was so skinny he didn’t have much power.
So, naturally, everybody just assumed that Eric Fry was also clumsy and weak. After all, his name was Eric.
Whenever the other kids chose up teams, Eric Fry was the last one picked. They never noticed his home runs or the fabulous catches he made. Like all great athletes, he made the impossible look easy. Of course, the other kids did notice the one time that he dropped the ball.
Eric Fry was playing right field. Terrence belted a deep fly to left. Eric Fry raced all the way across the field after the ball and at the last second dived at it. He caught it in midair on his fingertips, but as he hit the ground the ball squirted loose.
“Well, what do you expect from ‘Butterfingers,’” said Stephen.
And since that time Eric Fry has had the nickname “Butterfingers.”
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Eric Ovens was the nicest person in Mrs. Jewls’s class. He treated everyone equally and always had a kind word to say. But because his name was Eric, everyone thought he was mean.
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“Fatso” was mean because everyone called him “Fat-so.”
“Butterfingers” was mean because he always had to play right field.
So, naturally, everyone just assumed that Eric Ovens was also mean. They called him “Crabapple.”
§
“Good morning, Allison,” said Eric Ovens. “How are you?”
“Lay off, ‘Crabapple’! Will ya?” answered Allison. “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
All three of the Erics had nicknames. It was better that way. Otherwise when someone said, “Hey, Eric,” no one knew to whom he was talking. One time all the Erics would answer, and the next time none of them would answer. But when someone said, “Hey, ‘Crabapple,’ ” then Eric Ovens knew they were talking to him. And if someone said, “Hey, ‘Butterfingers,’ ” Eric Fry knew they meant him. And when someone said, “Hey, ‘Fat-so,’ ” Eric Bacon knew that he was being called.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
