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“I can beat you up,” said Joe.
“Try it,” said Maurecia.
“That will be enough of that,” said Mrs. Jewls. She wrote Maurecia’s name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.
Joe put his head on his desk between the eight potatoes and the six erasers.
“Don’t feel bad, Joe,” said Mrs. Jewls.
“I just don’t get it,” said Joe. “I’ll never learn how to count.”
“Sure you will, Joe,” said Mrs. Jewls. “One day it will just come to you. You’ll wake up one morning and suddenly be able to count.”
Joe asked, “If all I have to do is wake up, what am I going to school for?”
“School just speeds things up,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Without school it might take another seventy years before you wake up and are able to count.”
“By that time I may have no hair left on top of my head to count,” said Joe.
“Exactly,” said Mrs. Jewls. “That is why you go to school.”
When Joe woke up the next day, he knew how to count. He had fifty-five thousand and six hairs on his head. They were all curly.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
4
Sharie
Sharie had long eyelashes. She weighed only forty-nine pounds. She always wore a big red and blue overcoat with a hood. The overcoat weighed thirty-five pounds. The red part weighed fifteen pounds, the blue part weighed fifteen pounds, and the hood weighed five pounds. Her eye-lashes weighed a pound and a half.
She sat next to the window in Mrs. Jewls’s class. She spent a lot of time just staring out the window. Mrs. Jewls didn’t mind. Mrs. Jewls said that a lot of people learn best when they stare out a window.
Sharie often fell asleep in class. Mrs. Jewls didn’t mind that, either. She said that a lot of people do their best learning when they are asleep.
Sharie spent all of her time either looking out the window or sleeping. Mrs. Jewls thought she was the best student in the class.
One afternoon it was very hot. All of the windows were open, yet Sharie still wore her red and blue overcoat. The heat made her very tired. Mrs. Jewls was teaching arithmetic. Sharie pulled the hood up over her face, buried herself in the coat, and went to sleep.
“Mrs. Jewls,” said Kathy, “Sharie is asleep.”
“That’s good,” said Mrs. Jewls. “She must be learning something.”
Mrs. Jewls continued with the lesson.
Sharie began to snore.
“Mrs. Jewls, Sharie is snoring,” said Kathy.
“Yes, I can hear her,” said Mrs. Jewls. “She must be learning an awful lot today. I wish the rest of you could be like her.”
Sharie began to toss and turn. She flopped over on top of her desk, and then rolled over on top of Kathy’s desk. Then she rolled back the other way. Kathy screamed. Sharie rolled out the window. She was still sound asleep.
As you know, Mrs. Jewls’s class was on the thirtieth story of Wayside School. So Sharie had a long way to go.
After she had fallen ten stories, Sharie woke up. She looked around. She was confused. She wasn’t in Mrs. Jewls’s class, and she wasn’t at home in bed. She couldn’t figure out where she was. She yawned, pulled the hood back over her eyes, and went back to sleep. By that time she had fallen another ten stories.
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