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I went back to school. This was the right thing to do, the most inconspicuous way to behave.
By the end of the day, almost all the other students had returned to class, too. Just Tyler and Bella and a few others - who were probably using the accident as a chance to ditch - remained absent.
It shouldn't be so hard for me to do the right thing. But, all afternoon, I was gritting my teeth against the urge that had me yearning ditch, too - in order to go find the girl again.
Like a stalker. An obsessessed stalker. An obsessessed, vampire stalker.
School today was - somehow, impossibly - even more boring than it had seemed just a week ago. Coma-like. It was as if the color had drained from the bricks, the trees, the sky, the faces around me... I stared at the cracks in the walls.
There was another right thing I should be doing...that I was not. Of course, it was also a wrong thing. It all depended on the perspective from which you viewed it.
From the perspective of a Cullen - not just a vampire, but a Cullen, someone who belonged to a family, such a rare state in our world - the right thing to do would have gone something like this:
"I'm surprised to see you in class, Edward. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning."
"Yes, I was, Mr. Banner, but I was the lucky one." A friendly smile. "I didn't get hurt at all... I wish I could say the same for Tyler and Bella."
"How are they?"
"I think Tyler is fine...just some superficial scrapes from the windshield glass. I'm not sure about Bella, though." A worried frown. "She might have a concussion. I heard she was pretty incoherent for a while - seeing things even. I know the doctors were worried..."
That's how it should have gone. That's what I owed my family.
"I'm surprised to see you in class, Edward. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning."
"I wasn't hurt." No smile.
Mr. Banner shifted his weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable.
"Do you have any idea how Tyler Crowley and Bella Swan are? I heard there were some injuries..."
I shrugged. "I wouldn't know."
Mr. Banner cleared his throat. "Er, right..." he said, my cold stare making his voice sound a bit strained.
He walked quickly back to the front of classroom and began his lecture.
It was the wrong thing to do. Unless you looked at it from a more obscure point of view.
It just seemed so...so unchivalrous to slander the girl behind her back, especially when she was proving more trustworthy than I could have dreamed. She hadn't said anything to betray me, despite having good reason to do so. Would I betray her when she had done nothing but keep my secret?
I had a nearly identical conversation with Mrs. Goff - just in Spanish rather than in English - and Emmett gave me a long look.
I hope you have a good explanation for what happened today. Rose is on the warpath.
I rolled my eyes without looking at him.
I actually had come up with a perfectly sound explanation. Just suppose I hadn't done anything to stop the van from crushing the girl... I recoiled from that thought. But if she had been hit, if she'd been mangled and bleeding, the red fluid spilling, wasting on the blacktop, the scent of the fresh blood pulsing through the air ...
I shuddered again, but not just in horror. Part of me shivered in desire. No, I would not have been able to watch her bleed without exposing us all in a much more flagrant and shocking way.
It was a perfectly sound excuse...but I wouldn't use it. It was too shameful. And I hadn't thought of it until long after the fact, regardless.
Look out for Jasper, Emmett went on, oblivious to my reverie. He's not as angry...but he's more resolved.
I saw what he meant, and for a moment the room swam around me. My rage was so all-consuming that a red haze clouded my vision. I thought I would choke on it.
SHEESH, EDWARD! GET A GRIP! Emmett shouted at me in his head. His hand came down on my shoulder, holding me in my seat before I could jump to my feet. He rarely used his full strength - there was rarely a need, for he was so much stronger than any vampire any of us had ever encountered - but he used it now. He gripped my arm, rather than pushing me down. If he'd been pushing, the chair under me would have collapsed.
EASY! He ordered.
I tried to calm myself, but it was hard. The rage burned in my head.
Jasper's not going to do anything until we all talk. I just thought you should know the direction he's headed.
I concentrated on relaxing, and I felt Emmett's hand loosen.
Try not to make more of a spectacle of yourself. You're in enough trouble as it is. I took a deep breath and Emmett released me.
I searched around the room routinely, but our confrontation had been so short and silent that only a few people sitting behind Emmett had even noticed. None of them knew what to make of it, and they shrugged it off. The Cullens were freaks - everyone knew that already.
Damn, kid, you're a mess, Emmett added, sympathy in his tone.
"Bite me," I muttered under my breath, and I heard his low chuckle.
Emmett didn't hold grudges, and I probably ought to be more grateful for his easy going nature. But I could see that Jasper's intentions made sense to Emmett, that he was considering how it might be the best course of action.
The rage simmered, barely under control. Yes, Emmett was stronger than I was, but he'd yet to beat me in a wrestling match. He claimed that this was because I cheated, but hearing thoughts was just as much a part of who I was as his immense strength was a part of him. We were evenly matched in a fight.
A fight? Was that where this was headed? Was I going to fight with my family over a human I barely knew?
I thought about that for a moment, thought about the fragile feel of the girl's body in my arms in juxtaposition with Jasper, Rose, and Emmett - supernaturally strong and fast, killing machines by nature...
Yes, I would fight for her. Against my family. I shuddered.
But it wasn't fair to leave her undefended when I was the one who'd put her in danger.
I couldn't win alone, though, not against the three of them, and I wondered who my allies would be.
Carlisle, certainly. He would not fight anyone, but he would be wholly against Rose's and Jasper's designs. That might be all I needed. I would see...
Esme, doubtful. She would not side against me either, and she would hate to disagree with Carlisle, but she would be for any plan that kept her family intact. Her first priority would not be rightness, but me. If Carlisle was the soul of our family, then Esme was the heart. He gave us a leader who deserved following; she made that following into an act of love. We all loved each other - even under the fury I felt toward Jasper and Rose right now, even planning to fight them to save the girl, I knew that I loved them. Alice...I had no idea. It would probably depend on what she saw coming. She would side with the winner, I imagined.
So, I would have to do this without help. I wasn't a match for them alone, but I wasn't going to let the girl be hurt because of me. That might mean evasive action... My rage dulled a bit with the sudden, black humor. I could imagine how the girl would react to my kidnapping her. Of course, I rarely guessed her reactions right - but what other reaction could she have besides terror?
I wasn't sure how to manage that, though - kidnapping her. I wouldn't be able to stand being close to her for very long. Perhaps I would just deliver her back to her mother. Even that much would be fraught with danger. For her.
And also for me, I realized suddenly. If I were to kill her by accident... I wasn't certain exactly how much pain that would cause me, but I knew it would be multifaceted and intense.
The time passed quickly while I mulled over all the complications ahead of me: the argument waiting for me at home, the conflict with my family, the lengths I might be forced to go to afterward...
Well, I couldn't complain that life outside this school was monotonous any more. The girl had changed that much.
Emmett and I walked silently to the car when the bell rang. He was worrying about me, and worrying about Rosalie. He knew whose side he would have to choose in a quarrel, and it bothered him.
The others were waiting for us in the car, also silent. We were a very quiet group. Only I could hear the shouting.
Idiot! Lunatic! Moron! Jackass! Selfish, irresponsible fool! Rosalie kept up a constant stream of insults at the top of her mental lungs. It made it hard to hear the others, but I ignored her as best I could.
Emmett was right about Jasper. He was sure of his course.
Alice was troubled, worrying about Jasper, flipping through images of the future. No matter which direction Jasper came at the girl, Alice always saw me there, blocking him. Interesting...neither Rosalie nor Emmett was with him in these visions. So Jasper planned to work alone. That would even things up.
Jasper was the best, certainly the most experienced fighter among us. My one advantage lay in that I could hear his moves before he made them.
I had never fought more than playfully with Emmett or Jasper - just horsing around. I felt sick at the thought of really trying to hurt Jasper...
No, not that. Just to block him. That was all.
I concentrated on Alice, memorizing Jasper's different avenues of attack.
As I did that, her visions shifted, moving further and further away from the Swan's house. I was cutting him off earlier...
Stop that, Edward! It can't happen this way. I won't let it.
I didn't answer her, I just kept watching.
She began searching farther ahead, into the misty, unsure realm of distant possibilities. Everything was shadowy and vague.
The entire way home, the charged silence did not lift. I parked in the big garage off the house; Carlisle's Mercedes was there, next to Emmett's big jeep, Rose's M3 and my Vanquish. I was glad Carlisle was already home - this silence would end explosively, and I wanted him there when that happened.
We went straight to the dining room.
The room was, of course, never used for its intended purpose. But it was furnished with a long oval mahogany table surrounded by chairs - we were scrupulous about having all the correct props in place. Carlisle liked to use it as a conference room. In a group with such strong and disparate personalities, sometimes it was necessary to discuss things in a calm, seated manner.
I had a feeling that the setting was not going to help much today.
Carlisle sat in his usual seat at the eastern head of the room. Esme was beside him - they held hands on top of the table.
Esme's eyes were on me, their golden depths full of concern.
Stay. It was her only thought.
I wished I could smile at the woman who was truly a mother to me, but I had no reassurances for her now.
I sat on Carlisle's other side. Esme reached around him to put her free hand on my shoulder. She had no idea of what was about to start; she was just worrying about me.
Carlisle had a better sense of what was coming. His lips were pressed tightly together and his forehead was creased. The expression looked too old for his young face. As everyone else sat, I could see the lines being drawn.
Rosalie sat directly across from Carlisle, on the other end of the long table. She glared at me, never looking away.
Emmett sat beside her, his face and thoughts both wry.
Jasper hesitated, and then went to stand against the wall behind Rosalie. He was decided, regardless of the outcome of this discussion. My teeth locked together.
Alice was the last to come in, and her eyes were focused on something far away - the future, still too indistinct for her to make use of it. Without seeming to think about it, she sat next to Esme. She rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. Jasper twitched uneasily and considered joining her, but he kept his place.
I took a deep breath. I had started this - I should speak first.
"I'm sorry," I said, looking first at Rose, then Jasper and then Emmett. "I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility for my hasty action."
Rosalie glared at me balefully. "What do you mean, ??take full responsibility'? Are you going to fix it?"
"Not the way you mean," I said, working to keep my voice even and quiet. "I'm willing to leave now, if that makes things better." If I believe that the girl will be safe, if I believe that none of you will touch her, I amended in my head.
"No," Esme murmured. "No, Edward."
I patted her hand. "It's just a few years."
"Esme's right, though," Emmett said. "You can't go anywhere now. That would be the opposite of helpful. We have to know what people are thinking, now more than ever."
