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30 Gabriel “Fox” Morrison
“A kid,” I said, the smile on my face hurting my cheeks. “Zane and Enzo and… too soon for names, right?”
“We’ve tossed a couple around.”
“And?”
“Fox for a boy, or Foxina for a girl.”
I snorted at that one. “You’re so thoughtful.”
“If it’s boy we’re thinking Alessandro, after Enzo’s dad, and if it’s a girl, we really like the name Lily,” said Zane. “I love those names. Lily especially. My mom’s name.”
Zane looked to me, his eyes carrying a wealth of understanding. Zane and I became friends when I had finished with my deployment, about seven months after my mom passed, so he had never met her, and for most of my life, it had been too painful to talk about her.
But since Jonah burst into my heart, things were different. I had a newfound courage I hadn’t realized I was lacking.
“So what’s going on with you, huh?” Zane’s amber eyes pried me open. He had a way of doing that. I figured that’s what made him such a good detective; people wanted to spill all their secrets to Zane. “You’ve seemed a little preoccupied, and now that I see you and Jonah together…”
“We’re just friends, Zane.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Coworkers.”
“Right.”
“Comrades in arms.”
“Fox…”
“I’m fucked, Zane. Royally. I’m head over combat boots for that guy out there. From the second we shook hands, it was like an earthquake. Everything changed from one second to the next. I don’t know what to do.” There it was, the break in the dam.
“I think you know exactly what to do.” He smirked playfully. “You have to go have a meeting with HR.”
I laughed in surprise. “Workplace romances aren’t allowed at Stonewall? That wasn’t in the handbook.”
“We have a handbook?”
“Andrew made me read something when I was hired.”
Zane shook his head. “I think that was his fan fiction. He’s been trying to get everyone to read it.”
“Ah, of course.” We laughed, the moment with my close friend setting me at ease. I hadn’t seen Zane in months, so it was more than refreshing to have this chat with him. We had one of those kinds of friendships that could go years without talking, and then on the day of a reunion, it’s like no time had passed whatsoever.
“He’s as taken by you,” Zane noted. “I can see it in his eyes. And those big blue eyes of his can’t hide anything, I’m telling you now.”
“Nothing.” I would know—I’d spent a long time staring into them. A deep fear of mine came bubbling up to the surface then. I’d never vocalized it before, so the words almost sounded foreign to me. “He only recently came out. I’d be his first serious relationship, that’s… I’m scared. I’m scared he’ll always wonder what else is out there. That maybe I’m not good enough. That maybe he settled for the first guy who came along. I’m scared I’d be robbing him of a dating life.”
Zane gave me a look, his head tilted. “Fox, dating life sucks. It’s filled with disappointment, regret, and occasional heartburn. You’re saving him from it, if anything.” He leaned closer to me. “Once you find your person, you stop wondering, Fox. Trust me. Regardless of sexuality, regardless of how many one-night stands you’ve had, or how many dates you’ve been on. When you find that one person, you forget about all the rest.”
“But what if…”
“When I met Enzo, I fought it. The feelings were there from the jump, but I pushed him away. I thought I was fine alone, I didn’t want to try and fill the void Jose’s death had left in me. And you know what?” He looked to the shallow waters of the small duck pond. “I regret it. I regret not just jumping into his arms the second he walked into my office. We both knew, we felt it. And then I wasted precious time resisting. Fighting an impossible fight.” He looked from the water to me. “Don’t fight, Fox. Let it happen.”
The words settled in my chest. Silence cemented them. Zane was right. I had been stopping myself from envisioning a future with the man I was falling in love with, all because of an unfounded fear of being hurt.
“You should take him out, go out on a boat, to the middle of the ocean. Just you two and the open water. Enzo and I did that and it was the most relaxing, serene experience. And we felt so connected after. I think it would be good for you guys.”
“That sounds like a really good idea. Jonah’s said he can drive a boat, too.”
“Perfect. We went out to Pisces Alley last year when we came to visit. That cove was stunning. Beautiful.”
A faint bell rang in the farthest reaches of my brain. I knew I had to reach for it, move toward it. “Wait, what did you say?”
