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Shiro chewed on the inside of his cheek before speaking. “Me neither.”
I stood up, moved to the bed. Shiro didn’t move away. He did the opposite, opening up to me, as if the distance was the only thing that had been bothering him. He turned toward me, his hands moving to either side of him, his fingers brushing against mine. The air between us crackled and popped.
It was Shiro who broke first, who pushed through the electric force field that separated us. His lips found mine, crushed against them. His hands came up to my head as I took his tongue into my mouth, let it dance with mine. There were no cameras, no prying eyes. Just me and Shy, sharing a kiss that sealed our fates, even if neither of us knew that yet.
When we broke for air, Shiro’s eyes locked with mine, his breath tickling my lips.
“Crazy,” he said again, before I claimed him with my mouth.
Our kiss was one that lasted, both of us exploring the other with our lips locked and our hands roaming. I rubbed his hard chest over his shirt, while his hand explored my back, slipping under my shirt and sliding over my skin. We kissed and groped and let the worries we were feeling dissolve into the air, rising with the steam that swirled from the both of us.
Three hard knocks on the door interrupted us. Shy’s eyes went wide. He got up and tiptoed over to the door, peeking through the peephole. He turned back to me and mouthed out, “Ace” before motioning to his open bathroom. I stood and went inside, silently shutting the door.
I could hear Shiro greet his friend, a slight rawness to his voice.
“Shy, get out of bed and come to the ugly Christmas sweater party!”
“Is that where everyone’s going? I thought it was tonight.”
“It’s an all-day thing. We want to get some day-drinking in. I’ve been texting you,” Ace said, his voice getting louder. Wait, had he come inside?
I started to panic.
“Like my sweater?” Ace sounded as if he were just outside the bathroom door. I heard jingling.
“I can’t even believe someone knit that thing,” Shiro said with a laugh, one that sounded nervous. “All right, well, let me get ready, then. Go downstairs, I’ll meet you guys. It’s in the igloo room, right?”
“Yup,” Ace said, sounding almost as if he were inside the bathroom with me. My heart was beating so loud I was scared he would hear it through the door. “Let me just use your restroom real quic—”
“No!” Shiro must have pressed his body against the bathroom door because it shook. I leaned against the counter, feeling as if the gig was about to be up. The bathroom was tiny, and there were zero escape routes, unless I pushed out the small round window and jumped down into the sea.
“I, um, well, you don’t want to go in there right now.”
“Ooookay… Shy, do you still have that stomach thing? Where you had that special doctor’s note in college for? The one where you poo—”
“No!” Shiro shouted again. I had to swallow down a laugh. “I don’t have any stomach thing. Stomach is actually better than ever. The best. Now go. Like now.”
I could hear shuffling toward the door and then the door shutting. Moments later came a knock on the door and Shiro saying, “It’s safe.”
I walked back out. Shiro’s cheeks were flushed pink. “That was close. Sorry for the scare.”
“It’s all right,” I said, shutting the bathroom door. “Glad your stomach’s doing better.”
“Okay, don’t.”
I laughed and sat back down on the edge of the bed. Shiro sat, too, his face cracking into a smile.
“I should start getting ready for the party,” Shy said, his hand on my thigh. “Before Ace comes barging back in here.”
“Mind if I tag along?”
“What? Yeah, of course. I just… you don’t have to always hang around me. Maybe, after the photo, maybe it’s best we don’t hang out too much… at least in public?”
“Is that what you really want?” I was suddenly scared of what his answer would be.
“No. Not at all.”
“Good. I don’t want that either.” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, feeling the frustration take hold. “I don’t want to hide. Ever again. But… I’m also not ready to fully come out. I can’t.”
“It happens on your time, Nick. Don’t let some sneaky-ass paparazzi take that from you.”
The ship rocked gently, left to right. We were supposed to spend the entire day at sea, and then tomorrow we would drop anchor at Princess Cays. I had planned on spending the day by myself, sipping rum out of coconuts on some sandy beach, but those plans were quickly vanishing as I realized all I wanted to do was spend time with Shy.
“I won’t,” I said, digging fingers into the tense muscle between my shoulder and neck. “When did you know? That you were gay?” This was the first time I’d ever spoken about this with anyone. With every word I said, another shackle fell loose from my body.
