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“Nick…” I had trouble speaking past my heartache. “I’m so sorry. I feel… fuck. I’m sorry. You should never have to feel like that. I never want you feeling like that. You’re such a bright soul, and I mean that, Nick. You really did light up my life in a matter of days. I can’t imagine how dark the world would get without you in it. Thank you for being strong.”
He mustered a smile. There was a shining trail that went down his other cheek, catching the light. He rubbed at it with the back of his hand before returning it to mine. “It was hard, I can’t lie. But I’m so happy I walked away that morning. Meeting you confirmed it for me. It was the exact right choice. Just like following after you was the right choice. Kissing you was the right choice.”
I looked into Nick’s deep blue eyes, sensing the pain that was in them floating away, like flotsam being dragged out by the tide.
“If you ever feel like you’re back in that headspace, talk to me, okay?” I wanted to make sure Nick knew he’d never be alone. “No matter where you are or what time it is, call me.”
“Thank you, Shy. I don’t see myself slipping backward, but I do really appreciate it.” He moved a little closer to me. This had gotten so intense, I barely realized how close we were standing.
“Okay, good,” I said. “I’ll always be here for you.”
“And I’ll need is your support, especially when I come out to the world.”
“You’re going to come out? Nick, you’d change so many lives if you do.”
He nodded, his smile stronger than before, the glint in his eyes beginning to return.
“I don’t know exactly when or how, but I know now that it’s what I’ve got to do. I don’t want anyone thinking the same thoughts I did that morning at Hightower. And I think I can do that by coming out, showing kids that being out and proud is possible, even if you happen to be next in line for the throne… I’ve just got to tell my parents first. I think they deserve to hear it directly from me.”
“I agree.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “How do you think they’ll take it?”
“Honestly? No idea. It can go both ways. But I can’t keep hiding it from them, especially not when I plan on kissing you nonstop.”
“Nonstop, huh?”
“Yup.”
“Well,” I said, feeling the mood begin to soar, “good thing we’re standing in this spot, then.”
“Huh?”
I motioned above us, wearing a cheeky grin. Everything about this trip felt like it’d happened how it should, and us landing directly underneath a mistletoe seemed to prove that point. And the way Nick had just opened up to me, bared his soul to me, it pushed me into a whole new territory. I looked into Nick’s blue eyes and felt deeply connected to him, like our souls had been tethered together and only now were finding each other, tugging on the invisible and unbreakable rope between us.
And then his lips were on mine, connecting us in an entirely different way.
15 Nicholas Silva
Because of course there was a mistletoe directly above us. Because of course even the spirit of Christmas was trying to push us together.
I didn’t think twice about it. I was done overthinking. I was done dreading every single moment. The outburst and revelation had pushed a thorn right out of my side, one that had been prodding me for far too long. I grabbed Shy, not caring we were in public, and I pulled him in, kissing him with abandon. His warm chest pressed against mine. Heat flooded me. His tongue slipped into my mouth. I grabbed the back of his head, holding him, kissing him.
Claiming him.
I felt so fucking alive. That photo Luna had shown me got me pissed, but speaking about my darkest moment with Shy had reminded me what this was all about.
Fuck it all to holiday hell. If someone wanted pictures, they could get it. Videos? Sure, go right ahead. Just make sure you tag me.
Shy fed me a moan, one I swallowed greedily. I wanted more, and judging by the growing length beginning to push against me, I wasn’t the only one.
“Let’s go to my room,” I said against his lips, hand still on the back of his head, my eyes locked with his.
“Let’s.” He gave me a playful lick before we broke apart, both of us flushed pink with heat. He started to leave the room. I reached for his hand and grabbed it. The both of us froze for a moment, voices starting to drift in our direction from the hall. Instead of letting go, my fingers found better purchase between his. He looked at me, his brows tipped downward. Worry was clear on his face, but I didn’t feel it. After talking to Shy, bringing up Hightower, bringing up the hardest fight of my fucking life, it made me realize I would never throw in the towel, and that meant grabbing my man by the hand and walking through the cruise ship together, toward my room where I planned to wreck him until neither of us could see straight.
