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Or, really, I’ve never talked to my grandmother about it. But of course she’d know. She pays attention; it’s one of the things I adore most about her.
“Woodward means a lot to me,” I say. “Teaching means a lot. And the scholarship program—”
“Will continue whether or not you’re there. I don’t mean to offend you, but we both know that’s true.”
“Of course it’s true. I just . . . I love the idea of Woodward. I loved being a part of something, a program that really is making a difference. And yeah, the fact that I’d get to finish the work Mom wasn’t able to . . .” I swallow. “I don’t want to give that up. And I’d have to if Rhett and I got together. They aren’t going to hire someone who slept with not one but two employers. Parents. Whatever.”
“Jim was your employer?”
“Well, not technically, no. But he was a board member and the parent of a student, so you could say he was my boss in some ways.”
Rose nods, pursing her lips to breathe out, then breathe back in as we hold a warrior pose. “Right. That’s a fair assumption about your future employers. But it is an assumption. Maybe you wouldn’t be able to work at Woodward again. Who’s to say, though, you couldn’t make a difference somewhere else? Maybe you take what you learned at Woodward and start something new. I love how passionate you are about your career. I’m not saying you should compromise on your mission to change the world. But maybe you should revisit what you want that mission to look like. Tweaking your dreams doesn’t mean you’re giving up on them. Just means you’re getting closer to who you really are. What really makes you the happiest. Is teaching at this school in this city really the hill you want to die on? Why not follow a different path and see where it leads you? I very much doubt it’ll be a dead end.”
“But you,” I say, jumping twenty steps ahead and making some really huge assumptions I probably shouldn’t. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“Lovie, it’s why they make airplanes. Lucky for you, I love to travel almost as much as I love pirates.”
“Where does one find a pirate these days?” the guy asks.
Rose shoots him a disbelieving look. “Boats.”
“Ha.”
“And books. Really, the best ones are in books, so I’d recommend starting there.”
“Noted.”
I fall into child’s pose, which is supposed to count as “resting” but actually makes my knees scream bloody murder. A thought hits me, distracting me from the pain, and I turn my head to look at Rose, our eyes meeting underneath our outstretched arms.
“How is this different from Jim? What if I just want Rhett because I’ll get the whole package. Family, kid, all that stuff?”
Rose just smiles again, shaking her head. “Don’t insult Rhett by comparing him to Jim. You adored Rhett before Liam showed up. You’re not in this for what you’ll get. You’re in it for what you’ll become.”
“Oh?” I smile. “What’s that?”
“The heroine of your own story.”
“That’s—”
“Beautiful,” the guy says.
“But I’m not in it,” I say.
“Yet. You’re not in it yet.”
My head is spinning on the drive home.
Windows down, cool night air blowing in my face, I listen to emo John Mayer and try to make sense of it all.
The thing is, none of it makes sense. Not losing my job because I dated a married man. Definitely not Rhett asking me to be his nanny.
It doesn’t make sense how I could miss Liam after being with him for all of three days.
It’s ridiculous. Embarrassingly, awesomely ridiculous.
This is not at all what I thought my life would look like at twenty-seven. It’s messy and uncertain and scary in a way I hoped it wouldn’t be. But I like my grandmother’s suggestion that maybe that isn’t a bad thing.
Maybe I need to stop forcing things so I can step back and listen.
Listen to what my true self, whoever the hell she is, is telling me.
Listen to the way my heart sings when I’m with Rhett. It may sing dirty nursery rhymes, but it’s still singing.
To be honest, I’m not sure it’s sung this way since Mom died.
But what if Rhett’s not on the same page? What if I’m wrong, and he’s only like this because it’s the off-season? He’s seriously considering that contract extension. What if he does end up like his dad because he played too long and too hard?
What if he doesn’t sign the extension? It’s still a whole year away, and he’ll be so busy.
What about Liam? If things didn’t work out between Rhett and me, Liam stands to lose just as much as we do. I’m not sure it’d be worth the risk. That little boy’s already been through so much. I don’t want to put him through yet another change. Another transition.
