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Until earlier when it hit him what that was.
Not just her in his bed for a month.
But for longer.
Maybe even forever. Though, forever was an uncomfortable term for him to think about.
But now…
Fuck. Now…
Karma had bitten off a chunk of flesh and it stung. Knowing she was Ham’s daughter changed everything.
If he didn’t tell her his secret and somehow convince her to stay, would it eat at him? Could he face her every fucking morning with the knowledge he was to blame for her father’s death?
Would that lie fester like a wound?
Eventually infect him? Infect them both?
Would it be better to confess now before things got too deep between them, rather than later?
It would be painful either way.
For her.
For him.
The past never stayed in the fucking past where it belonged. No matter how much he wanted it to.
No matter how much he needed it to.
Another problem might be that now she knew her father was an Original, she’d want to dig. Find out exactly what happened to him. What exactly made him disappear.
Because she would need to know.
She would want to know.
Ozzy didn’t want to tell her.
He didn’t.
The best thing that ever walked into his life would be turning around and sprinting right the fuck back out.
Just like Liz.
He fucked up with her by not recognizing what he had within his fingers. Not letting himself see it. What could’ve been.
He saw it now. With Shay.
Now he was going to fuck it up with her, too.
That slap Liz gave him would not be nearly as painful as Shay leaving when she no longer wanted anything to do with him.
It would be so much fucking worse.
Two fucking weeks.
It only took two fucking weeks.
When Liz left, he realized he’d loved her.
But now… He realized he was falling in love with Shay.
He’d fucking tripped and fell like all the rest of his brothers with ol’ ladies.
He also now understood what Liz had explained to him about the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.
When you loved someone and they left, it hurt.
When you were in love with someone and they left, it devastated.
So, yeah, maybe he needed to keep his connection to Ham to himself.
And hope like fuck it never came to light.
“Ozzy, I take it from your silence that he never spoke about us. That none of you knew we existed. That he had a family.”
He needed to get the fuck out of his own head and concentrate. “Never heard him talk about havin’ a daughter.” At least that was true.
If Ham had mentioned a family, would his decision have changed? Would he have wanted Ham’s daughter to feel the same loss he experienced when he found his mother murdered on the kitchen floor? Like some collateral fucking damage?
He didn’t know. He couldn’t go back in time to rethink his decision.
Just like he couldn’t go back in time to bring back his mother.
Everyone had to live with their decisions after they were made. And whatever resulted from those decisions.
Right or wrong.
He closed his eyes and saw his battered and beaten mother in the kitchen. Discarded, bloody and lifeless on the floor like she meant nothing to no one. Her eyes open, staring sightlessly.
Fuck.
The rage began to bubble up again. That need for revenge had been strong and only became stronger as the years went on.
He forced his eyes open again and glanced at Shay.
An innocent casualty of a situation beyond either of their control. Both of them victims of other people’s actions.
“I have a question for you.”
That drew him out of his fucked-up, run-away thoughts.
But it didn’t surprise him since he figured she’d have a shitload of questions. Just her finding out he was an Original wasn’t going to end her need to know the details. She wasn’t going to simply move on until she knew the truth.
“Since we’re talking about the past... By the way, this has nothing to do with my dad, I still have plenty of questions about that, too, but I know those won’t all be answered tonight.”
While that was fucking true, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear her next question. If it had nothing to do with her dad, what the fuck could it be about?
The weather?
How often she should change the oil in her damn Lexus?
“What happened between you and Liz?”
That was not on his list of potential questions. “What the fuck?” he growled before he could stop it.
“Stella wanted me to be aware of the situation between you and her since Liz still comes back to Manning Grove now that they know they’re sisters. Or half-sisters. She wanted to warn me.”
Warn her? Fuckin’ Stella. “Warn you about what?”
“About what happened between you and Liz.”
“Liz left. That’s what happened. That’s all.”
“Does it bother you when she comes back?”
“Why we talkin’ about this?” Especially right now.
