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“You’re not going!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in defeat.
Murphy looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I want to go.”
I ground my teeth together, wishing he’d change his stinking mind, but knowing he wouldn’t.
“You’re not going to be able to hide the oxygen bottle,” I pointed out.
Something in which he’d tried and failed to do on multiple occasions now.
He continued to try to work, and he got to the point where he couldn’t interact with customers because he couldn’t go long without oxygen. Something in which he wanted his customers to not know seeing as he was a stubborn ass.
Murphy sighed. “I know.”
I tilted my head. “You’re ready for everybody to know?”
Murphy looked at his hands. The hands that were now fairly clean seeing as he was too exhausted to even work more than half a day.
Something he really wasn’t happy about.
Because he was bored.
He hated not working.
And today, I’d done what I should’ve done a week ago when he’d started going to half days at work.
I’d left Vlad with him.
Vlad who could now very much entertain himself.
Though, he absolutely adored having his best friend, Murphy, there to keep him entertained.
I would’ve thought that it would’ve upset me, seeing how in tune Murphy was with Vlad.
But it didn’t upset me.
In fact, it made me happy.
Because all any parent wanted was to see their children happy.
Though it galled to admit that I couldn’t give him that uninhibited happiness that Murphy could give him, it did make me happy to know that someone could.
“It’s time,” Murphy said softly.
I knew after the doctor’s appointment he had today that things were about to change.
Why?
Because, today, Dr. Battle had informed Murphy that he needed to start getting his affairs in order.
He’d seen the rate of decline in Murphy over the last six weeks just like I had, and things weren’t nearly as hopeful as they’d been when I’d first learned of what was going on with him.
I’d thought that we’d have time. That I could wait for the heart that I just knew would come his way one day.
Only, now I wasn’t nearly as optimistic.
I was, in fact, really, really upset.
Because I was now starting to see that I’d fallen for a man that had a death sentence hanging over his head. That one day, I’d wake up, and Murphy would no longer be here.
He wouldn’t be here to give me shit.
He wouldn’t be able to talk me through a problem.
He wouldn’t be here to make my kid smile.
He wouldn’t be here to put his hands on me.
He wouldn’t fucking be here.
And I would be…lost.
“What are you thinking about that has you so sad?”
I looked up into those beautiful eyes that I loved so much and said, “Are you going to be an organ donor?”
I don’t know why that particular thought had been hanging around in my head lately, but I couldn’t seem to dismiss it.
He frowned as he tugged the nasal cannula off of his face and dropped it to the bed.
I watched as he pulled a tight black t-shirt on over his bare upper body—an upper body that I still found insanely pleasing despite the seriousness of his illness—and then pause as he contemplated my question. “Actually, I didn’t really give it thought. I thought since I was dying of an illness that I couldn’t.”
“You can be dying of cancer and still donate your organs,” I told him, feeling my heart skip a beat.
He sat down on the bed, his breathing already labored and frowned. “Then, if I’m allowed, hell yes, I want to donate.”
That’s what I thought he’d say.
I didn’t like it.
The thought of him floating around out there in multiple people really made my heart ache.
But, though hypocritical, I couldn’t make myself stop the thoughts.
Him donating his organs meant that he was dead. And that wasn’t something that I could handle.
“What about your shop?” I asked. “What are you going to do with that?”
He pursed his lips as he reached for the oxygen he’d set aside, then fit it back into place.
“I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest,” he admitted. “I mean…”
His eyes went distant. “I need to talk to the bakery guy next door and ask him if he can take over caring for the dogs.”
I felt sick to my stomach.
“Do you even know the ‘bakery guy’s’ name?” I teased, trying not to let on how hard this conversation was for me to have.
Vlad came crawling up to the bed and used Murphy’s pants leg to pull up on.
Murphy was momentarily distracted by my other guy, so I chose to go to the bathroom and compose myself.
Today when Guilia was here, she’d asked me to cover these things with Murphy. She’d tried to broach the questions herself, but she’d been too choked up to accomplish it.
After making sure that I wasn’t going to burst into tears, and that most of the knot in my stomach was sufficiently controlled, I made my way back out to the bedroom to see Vlad and Murphy sitting on the bed waiting for me.
