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West shifted again behind me and moved a hand to rest on my cheek. I nuzzled into it for a moment before continuing.
“But it weighed on me after a while, you know? Like, I didn’t understand how he could be so sweet and tender to me sometimes but not want to be with me other times. It was confusing. So I finally got up the nerve to ask him about it, expecting him to say he was married or in a committed relationship or too old for me. But he said he wasn’t. That wasn’t it. He was having trouble coming to terms with me as his boyfriend because he was afraid of what people would think of him if anyone found out he was dating a whore. His word, not mine.”
“Oh Nico, fuck,” West said. “What a dick. I’m so sorry.”
“That’s not the worst part,” I admitted.
Chapter 34
West
Listening to Nico talk about his past was excruciating. I couldn’t stand thinking of him alone and vulnerable like that—taken advantage of by who knew how many men. And what were the chances no one had ever hurt him physically? God, it was too much.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what he thought was the worst part.
“I stayed,” he confessed quietly. “I stayed because he seemed to truly feel bad about it and he promised to try harder.”
“Oh, baby,” I murmured into his hair.
“Right?” he asked with exasperation. “I mean, who believes that bullshit?”
“Lonely teenagers who just want to be loved, Nico.”
“But he at least pretended to try for a while. Took me out more, had me over to his place more and more often. Until one night we were walking back to his place from eating out at a restaurant nearby and ran into his friends. I knew it was going to be trouble because I recognized one of the guys from having… you know… slept with him, or whatever. Anyway, Donny immediately pulled away from me, and when the guy asked him when he’d started having to pay for sex, Donny laughed right along with him. Said I was worth every penny. Said his friend should take a turn with me and see.”
My heart dropped. “He didn’t stand up for you?” I asked, wanting to kill the slimy motherfucker.
Nico shook his head. “Nope. I was so upset I bolted. Went straight to Griff and bawled my fucking eyes out.”
“I’ll bet Griff wanted to murder the bastard,” I muttered.
“Yep. Wanted to rip his balls off with his bare hands. But I told him I needed him too much to let him go to jail for assault.”
“You’re lucky to have a friend like him,” I admitted, taking a moment to be grateful Nico had Griff in his life. I wanted to send the guy fucking flowers for being there when Nico needed him most.
“Yes, I’m very lucky. Griff’s the only guy besides Donny I’ve given a fuck about since I left here. Everyone else has just been a warm body.”
As much as I assumed he didn’t intend the words to include me, they still stung. I must have gone still or something because he turned around quickly in my arms, eyes wide and lips open in apology.
“Not you. I didn’t mean you, West,” he said before sighing. “But that’s why I’m a little freaked out.”
“A little?” I teased quietly, forcing myself to take a breath and relax.
“I like you more than a little. Which means I’m freaking out more than a little.”
I leaned in and nuzzled his nose. “So why the bare spot over your chest?” I asked.
“Because no matter what he ever did to me with the tattoo machine, I reserved the spot over my heart for myself. One day I’ll know what to put there, and it will be just for me.”
Nico was wearing an old T-shirt of mine from medical school, and I ran my hand under it to find the bare patch of skin I knew was there, over his heart. His eyes locked on mine as my fingers caressed his chest.
“I’m glad you kept a part of yourself just for you,” I said quietly. “You’re so fucking strong.”
He shook his head but didn’t argue with me.
“So now I told you my shit; it’s time you told me the truth.”
“Truth about what?” I asked, genuinely not knowing what he meant.
“Pippa’s biological father,” he said. “What’s the story? And how did you and Adriana end up so close?”
In light of what he’d told me about Donny, I didn’t really want to tell him the truth about Adriana. It would only make him feel even more miserable. But I knew he deserved to know it anyway.
“Adriana had a thing for Reeve Billingham,” I said, not surprised he tensed up at the revelation. “But they at least waited until your parents were gone to act on it.”
