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“No, I’m not kidding. I don’t want you to go. You know I don’t want you to go. But go ahead anyway. Leaving is something you’re really good at, Nico.” My voice sounded foreign to my ears. It was toneless and gray, empty. I got up to head to the bathroom and stepped into the shower without another word to him.
I wasn’t surprised to find him missing when I returned to the bedroom, and when I made my way to the stairs leading down to my door, I knew he was gone.
I just didn’t realize at the time that he was gone, gone. By the time I got up my nerve to go talk to him the following day after work, there was a For Sale sign at the end of the driveway and Doc was loading what looked to be pieces of Pippa’s crib into his truck. Nico’s rental car was nowhere to be found.
After slamming my truck into park, I jumped out and raced to help him.
“What’s going on? Where are they?” My heart was slamming in my chest, and I felt cold prickles on my skin. “Doc, where are they?”
Doc’s sad eyes said it all.
“No,” I said.
“Pippa’s right there in her car seat,” Doc said gently, pointing forward into the cab to a sleeping Pipsqueak all bundled up and rosy-cheeked in the morning chill. “Nico’s gone back to California. I was headed to your place next to see what you wanted me to do with her.”
“No,” I said again, as if saying it could reverse what had happened. “Please tell me he didn’t leave her. He didn’t leave without saying goodbye to me.”
Doc came around the tailgate toward me and grabbed me into a bear hug, tighter than I could ever remember him holding me. The gesture set my emotions into the stratosphere, and I couldn’t hold back tears of anger.
“That motherfucker,” I said. “That stupid, selfish, motherfucker. I hate him.”
“You love him,” Doc said with gentle firmness that brooked no argument.
“I don’t,” I said defiantly.
He let out a chuckle. “Oh Westie, of course you do. And he loves you too.”
“Bullshit.”
Doc pulled back from the embrace and gestured for me to sit on the tailgate next to him.
“It’s so obvious, West. Even if you don’t see it. He’s used to being on his own. Clearly he’s put up some big walls around his heart for whatever reason. Maybe he just doesn’t believe he’s worth it.”
“He is worth it though,” I insisted. “He is.”
Doc patted my knee and smiled. “Have you told him that? Maybe you should ask him to come back and give it a try.”
“He hates Hobie, Doc. Plus I already asked him to stay, and he didn’t. I can’t make him want it. I can’t make him want to come back here for me.”
“No, but you can tell him how you feel—that there’s something here for him if he wants to take a chance on it. You can fight for him. Can you imagine my life if I hadn’t taken the chance on your grandfather? If I hadn’t told him how I felt about him?”
Just the thought of it made my heart hurt. I couldn’t imagine those two without each other.
“I’m not saying it’ll all turn out happily ever after for you, son. I’m only suggesting that you realize you only have this one life. If you see something you want, you owe it to yourself to at least fight for it. Stop living your life according to what you should do. It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes, West. You deserve happiness too. Everyone deserves to be loved.”
I heard a small sound from behind me and looked back at Pippa. She was awake and staring at me with her big blue-green eyes. Her dark curls poked out from the edges of the soft cap on her head, and one of her ears had made its way out from under the cap as well. She was a tiny version of her uncle, and in that moment I was so full of emotion I thought I might drown from the weight of it.
Doc’s words echoed in my head. Everyone deserved to be loved, and that included Pippa. No one could love that baby more than Nico and me. And if Nico wasn’t there to love on her, than I sure as hell would be.
“Will you follow me to my place and ask Grandpa to meet us there?” I asked Doc.
“Sure. You want me to ask him to bring us something to eat?”
I felt a grin split my face. “As long as it’s not chili. Tell him to bring you some work clothes and his toolbox. We have a nursery to put together.”
Once I got in my truck, I picked up my phone to dial my friend Honovi.
