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Why was this such a big deal? People moved for their jobs all the time.
When we pulled up to the ranch, I told Darci I was going to check on the horses before heading to the bunkhouse. I was fairly sure she knew the truth, that I was conflicted and half heart-broken at the idea of leaving Texas.
Of leaving Charlie.
She gave me a hug and made me promise to text her when I was done in the barn. I watched her walk up the path to the cabin, until she was safely inside.
I turned to the barn and saw West walking out, peeling off exam gloves and dropping them in a nearby can. “Hey. Doc asked me to take a look at Bumble Bee. She has a cut on her flank that’s not healing properly. I don’t know why he didn’t trust his own assessment, but it looks…” He trailed off when he got close enough to see my face. “What’s wrong?”
West had been my best friend for thirty-four years. There was no one who knew me better. The affectionate concern in his face made me want to tell him everything, but if I told him about Chicago, it would crush him.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” I said. I wandered toward the barn door, but West stopped me with a hand to my arm.
“Bullshit. Talk to me, brother. I know you’re not fine. You’ve been walking around with leprechaun rainbows arching over your head, but now you look like someone shat in your pot of gold.”
I scoffed. “There was never a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.”
“Sit down,” he said, gesturing to the bench beside the door. The night air was bracing but felt good after the stressful dinner at the Pinecone. Once we were seated, he squeezed my shoulder. “Tell me.”
I let out a breath. “I had dinner with Bruce. He’s selling the company.”
“Shit, Hudson. Are you losing your job?”
“No. I’ll enter the new company as a vice president. The only catch is… they need me to move to Chicago for a couple of years.”
West didn’t say anything, but I could see the slight slump in his shoulders.
“I’ve always wanted this kind of opportunity,” I added. “It’s a dream come true.”
My brother’s soft smile surprised me. “Then why aren’t you happier about it?”
“I… I’ve worked my whole life for this. I should be ecstatic. But I want the job and my family.” I almost said and Charlie, but I wasn’t quite willing to put those words out there into the world. It might crush my heart into a thousand pieces since it wasn’t something I could have. I couldn’t have it all. “Why am I so selfish? Why can’t I just be happy for the opportunity? Why do I feel like leaving Texas is the absolute worst thing ever?”
“Family is important to you, Hudson. It’s one of the things we all love about you,” he said. “But you’ve always chosen family over your own goals, over your own happiness. Maybe it’s time for you to be selfish for once. You deserve to fight for what you want. And if what you want is in Chicago, you should go to Chicago.”
What I want isn’t in Chicago.
I didn’t say anything, just wallowed in my misery. West shifted on the bench before asking quietly, “Are you sure this job is what you want? What about Charlie?”
My heart was going to squeeze until it broke. I couldn’t take it.
“I… um… he’s… he lives in Ireland.” Well, that was pathetic.
West’s expression was full of sympathy. He saw right through me as always. “You should talk to him about it, Hudson. Ask for his input. At the very least tell him you’re upset so he can be there for you. Otherwise you’re bound to retreat into your head and he’ll be stuck guessing.” His smile was kind, but he spoke the truth. When I got upset, I tended to bottle things up. “Treat him like a partner, Hudson.”
“Thanks,” I said, pulling him into a quick hug. “For everything.”
“Call me if you need to talk, okay?”
I nodded and watched him climb into his SUV before I turned to enter the barn. Kojack poked his head out of the stall as if he’d already heard and recognized my voice from outside. I slipped into the stall and murmured a greeting to him, handing him a tiny apple from a pail hanging from a hook nearby. The warm smell of horse and hay was comforting and familiar. After he finished crunching the apple, I slipped a bridle on him and led him into the center of the barn to saddle him.
We took off toward the creek, the moon enough of a light to guide us as long as I kept Kojack to a walk on the familiar trails. His large body shifted beneath my weight, and I leaned forward over the pommel to pat his neck. The last time I’d had a chance to ride him had been the night before when Charlie had surprised me by asking me for a ride. We’d set out together, and I’d shown him all my favorite places on the ranch. It felt like a million years ago instead of twenty-four hours.
