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“Jesus, gross, B.”
I laughed and gave him another gentle shove before I climbed to my feet. After grabbing a cup of coffee from the kitchen, I did my normal routine and went outside to sit on the porch steps so I could enjoy the view. The sight of the morning mist rising over the trees never failed to remind me how drastically my life had changed in the past year. I still cringed whenever I thought of how easily I could have lost Xander forever.
If I’d chosen some other wilderness expedition company to act as our guide for that week.
If I’d lost him to the waters of the raging river.
If I hadn’t had the strength to beg him to give me another chance to prove we were meant to be together.
It had all just been too damn close.
But someone or something had been watching out for us. I knew Xander didn’t believe in that kind of stuff, but I did. There was just no other way to explain us finding each other again.
Motion to my right drew my attention, and I saw Bear darting into the tree line after something near Jake’s cabin. He reappeared a moment later with a large stick and ambled up to where Jake stood on his porch. We hadn’t seen Jake since the previous fall when Xander and I had flown to Colorado after Lolly’s accident.
Jake’s eyes met mine briefly and he nodded at me, but that was it. It would have been easier to ignore him and the entire situation, but I’d learned that nothing good came from pretending. I’d done that my whole life and it had nearly cost me everything.
I climbed to my feet and made my way to Jake’s cabin. He continued to throw the stick for Bear, and as I got closer, the dog brought me the stick. I tossed it for him just as I reached the bottom of the steps. Jake’s cabin looked almost identical to Xander’s, though he’d done some work on his porch to make it larger. The sight of the single chair on the porch saddened me, though I wasn’t sure why.
“Morning,” I said.
He nodded at me. “You guys back for good?” he asked.
“Yeah, we arrived last weekend. Moving truck hasn’t gotten here yet, though. We’re actually moving to town. It’ll be easier for Lucky to get to school that way… and for us to run the business.”
Another nod. The man clearly wasn’t in the mood to talk, and I was half-tempted to turn around and go home. This man had feelings for Xander and even though he’d never acted on them, it still made me somewhat uncomfortable. I knew I was it for Xander, but knowing this good-looking guy felt something more than mere attraction every time he looked at my man just weirded me out.
I didn’t want it to be that way.
Despite everything, Jake meant a lot to Xander, and I suspected the friendship was important to Jake as well.
“Xander’s stopped by a couple of times to talk to you about staying on with the company. And to make sure you were coming to Gary’s retirement party today,” I said.
We’d completed the purchase of the lodge and wilderness expedition business a few days earlier. Xander and I had spent the past eight months working on everything we’d need to make the business ours. Included in the purchase had been a small house near the lodge which we were set to move into in a couple of days when the movers arrived.
“Been busy,” Jake murmured as he tucked his hands in his pockets.
Fuck, I should just go. He doesn’t want me here.
I ignored the thought and climbed the stairs. No way I was letting Xander lose his friend over this. “I know this must be incredibly hard for you,” I began. “To see him with me—”
“It’s not,” he cut in. “It’s… it’s good to see him so happy.” Jake glanced at our cabin briefly before dropping his eyes to where Bear lay at the foot of the stairs chewing on the stick. “I knew the night he told me about you that there would never be anyone that could hold a candle to you. Even if I’d been in a position to act on my feelings, I wouldn’t have… he never would have been okay with settling.”
I understood what he was saying. I’d done the same with Aiden when I’d started dating him. I’d tried to make him fit a mold that had been created solely for Xander. It hadn’t been fair to Aiden or to me.
“I’m sorry, Jake.”
“Nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “Things worked out exactly as they were meant to.”
“Why didn’t you tell him how you felt?” I asked. “Why not take the chance? You couldn’t have known I was going to show up one day. He told me what you said to him about life being too short not to say what you mean…”
