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Jake shook his head. “Not me, but be warned that a certain fashion designer was making plans for his latest live model,” my brother said with a small smile. “He’s thinking about designing women’s lingerie.”
I chuckled and set the hammer down, then stood so I could lean against the makeshift workbench in the room.
“How’s the…” Jake began as he motioned to his own face. He was pointing to the position of the bruise on my jaw, the one he’d given me.
I shrugged. “I’ll survive,” I said.
Jake sighed. I could see he was already frustrated with my lack of response.
“The light in that room we were in was flickering,” I began.
Jake was clearly confused. “What, in the storeroom at the hospital?”
I nodded. “I knew it was going to go out, so I wanted to get out of there. But I also knew you weren’t going to stop until you got some answers.”
Jake hadn’t moved since I’d begun talking. His entire frame tensed up when understanding dawned.
I shrugged. “It’s not the dark on its own, though I’m not really a fan of that either. It’s the combination of sudden light and loud sounds.” I hesitated and took a sip of the coffee before adding, “Let’s just say those storms we used to race outside to watch aren’t really my thing anymore.”
“When?” Jake asked. “When did it happen?”
“During my last deployment.”
“Are you getting treatment?”
I shook my head. “No, but I know I need to look into it now. It’s not going to go away on its own.”
“Is that why you haven’t been coming back to visit?”
“Among other things,” I said with a nod.
“Lucky,” Jake offered.
“I never touched him, Jake. Not until I ran into him again in Montana.”
“But you wanted to.”
I sighed and set the cup down on the workbench. “Not at first. He was a kid, for god’s sake. But then he got older, and I found myself starting to feel things I shouldn’t…”
“Is that why you re-enlisted?”
I returned to the section of flooring I’d been working on, since I needed to keep my hands busy. “There were a lot of reasons,” I said.
Jake continued to lob questions my way, and I did my best to answer them. Before long, he was working on the floor next to me. It made it easier to tell him about the incident that had gotten me discharged from the army, the offer from Tag, and the encounters with Lucky. It was only when the topic of Mitch came up that I found myself shutting down. The idea of telling my big brother what I’d let Mitch do to me made me physically ill. But my brother was a smart man and instead of pushing me, he suggested a lunch break instead.
By the time the sun started to fall, we’d finished putting down the subfloor in the cabin next to Jake and Oz’s. My brother’s husband had kept himself scarce, claiming to be busy preparing for some kind of party the following day, so it was just me and Jake watching the sunset over the horizon from the porch steps, some of his homemade beer in hand.
“I don’t deserve him,” I finally blurted when Jake failed to bring up any mention of Lucky.
“I think he’s the only one who gets to decide that,” Jake responded.
“He’s got his entire future ahead of him. He’s young and smart and sweet and, and… and what the fuck would he want with an old, broken-down solider anyway?” I snapped.
“Yep, you’re probably right.”
“About which part?” I asked.
“The, uh, young part?” Jake suggested.
“I’m right that he’s younger than me?”
Jake nodded firmly. “Yes, you are one hundred percent right. He’s younger than you.”
I snatched Jake’s beer to see if he’d already drunk the whole thing. It was actually fuller than mine. I shoved it back at him. “In case you missed it, brother, I’m looking for some advice here.”
Jake side-eyed me. “Are you seriously asking me, the man who almost lost the most amazing man on the planet, to tell you to buck up and not be a selfish idiot?”
“But you didn’t lose him,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, because he wouldn’t let me go. Unlike me, Oz has his shit together. When he wants something, he goes after it. I’d say Lucky’s the same. Just make sure you don’t do something stupid like blowing him off when he decides to give you a second chance.”
I flinched at that. Jake stopped mid-sip and looked at me. “You didn’t,” he said.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I growled.
“But then you realized how foolish you were being and you at least texted or called him, right?”
I turned my head to glance at the cabin that we’d been working on. “You know, you could easily add a bedroom. Might make it easier to rent it out. If you need some help with it, I could maybe, you know…”
