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Zach hadn’t taken even a single bite of his food once I’d started talking. He was staring straight ahead, making me wonder if I’d gone too far. I took a big bite of my sandwich, even though I didn’t really want it anymore. What if I’d just screwed everything up? I shifted my gaze from Zach and stared at the ground beneath my feet. Why the hell couldn’t I just learn to keep my mouth shut?
“Losing Jake for all those years nearly killed my parents,” Zach said softly. I felt the pressure in my chest grow exponentially and it was all I could do to not spit out the food in my mouth. “My dad had two heart attacks in the years after Jake disappeared, and my mom had to see a therapist for everything from anxiety to depression. And all I could do was sit and watch it happen. We wanted to believe he was alive but as year after year went by…”
“You lost hope,” I offered.
Zach nodded. “I swore I’d find him. Even if it was just his… his body, I swore I’d bring him home. And then one day I finally got the lead I needed and there he was. We were a family again. My parents, they came alive. And I… I finally felt like things in my life were once again where they were supposed to be. But after a while I got restless. It was like part of me was… was…”
“Missing,” I supplied. Zach glanced at me, looking almost surprised.
“Yeah,” he agreed. He turned his head again so he could stare off at whatever spot had him so entranced. “Jake and my folks understood when I re-enlisted. For a while everything was good. But then my team got called up for this rescue mission and things went sideways. Bad intel and an ambush there was no escaping led to a downed Black Hawk and the loss of most of my team.”
I knew it was against the rules, but I didn’t care. I reached for Zach’s hand and laced our fingers together. “Is that what caused the PTSD?” I asked.
Zach shook his head. “Surprisingly, no. I’ve been on countless choppers since that day and haven’t once had an episode.”
He was so quiet after that that I didn’t expect him to continue. But from the way he was clinging to my hand, I knew he wasn’t done confronting the past in his head.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I said softly. “I’m right here, Zach. For as long as it takes.”
I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not because he didn’t move or say anything. My muscles were cramping from having sat in the same position for so long, but I didn’t dare move even an inch.
“I can still see their faces,” Zach finally choked out after several long minutes.
“Whose?” I asked.
“Kaminski, Teller, Mac…” he responded.
I held my breath but when Zach turned his face away so I couldn’t see it even in profile, I knew he was done. I lifted his hand to my mouth and brushed a soft kiss over his knuckles. I knew it was a move that fell way outside the friend zone, but I didn’t care. It was the only way I could think of to tell Zach that I got it. Even if he never told me another thing about whatever had happened to him in that godforsaken place, I got it.
We sat in silence for a few more minutes, our meal forgotten. When Zach finally rose to his feet, he held on to my hand long enough to pull me to my feet. He looked at the sandwich but like me, his appetite had clearly waned. We both put what was left of our food into the plastic baggies and then turned to head toward the chopper. We’d taken only a few steps when a familiar, frightening smell assailed my nostrils.
Smoke.
Chapter 21
Zach
“What the hell?” Lucky said, clutching my arm. “Do you smell that? Is that—”
“We need to move!” I barked before Lucky could even finish his question. I immediately began the steep climb up the ridge. “We need to get back to the helicopter!”
Fortunately, Lucky didn’t argue with me. He simply grabbed my hand when I extended it to him and threw himself into focusing on the rocky ground ahead of us. As plumes of black smoke began to drift over the top of the hill, I wanted to kick myself for my stupidity. I’d been so caught up in baring my soul to Lucky as I’d recounted the past that I hadn’t noticed the winds shifting. But that was exactly what they’d done and now the fire that had been safely off in the distance was bearing down on us.
Fast.
My lungs burned from the acrid smoke as I fought to climb the steep trail that had seemed so easy going down.
