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Nothing.
Just… nothing.
I let out a ragged sob that consumed my entire body. It was so violent that I almost didn’t feel the little flutter beneath my fingertips. A second later it happened again. And again.
With every beat of Zach’s heart, I let out a whimper that sounded like a scream in my head. It was only after a good five beats that my instincts finally kicked in and the paramedic side of me fully took over.
“Zach!” I called over the roar of the fire. My hands flew over his body to assess him for injuries. They came to an abrupt stop when my fingers encountered something warm and wet. I steeled myself to accept the sight of Zach’s blood on my fingers, but there was really no preparing for it. I’d been witness to some of the grisliest of scenes during my time as a paramedic, but this was so very different.
It was Zach.
My Zach.
Thankfully, my paralysis didn’t last long and my training once again kicked in. There was a large laceration along his thigh that was oozing blood at a rapid rate. My hands automatically went for Zach’s belt. It took just seconds to get it off him and wrapped around his leg as a tourniquet.
“Zach!” I called over and over as I worked because I could hear and feel the fire getting closer. I was afraid to actually look behind me to see how close it really was. But it didn’t matter because a flash of orange leapt into my periphery.
The fire… not only was it catching up to us from behind, it was racing down the mountain where it was encountering even more vegetation to fuel it. At the rate it was going, our escape route to the south would be cut off if we didn’t move soon.
No south meant no lodge or lake.
And no help for Zach.
“Zach!” I shouted as I secured the belt as tightly as I could. I leaned over Zach’s prone body and began shaking him hard. When he didn’t respond, I reached down to roll Zach so I could pull him up into a fireman’s carry. I managed to get him into position, but the second I tried to lift him, something in my knee gave out and it was all I could do to catch Zach’s weight as I hit the ground. I cried out as pain shot up my leg, stealing my breath.
Sweat coursed down my brow as I tried a second time, then a third to lift him, but to no avail. While I could tell my leg wasn’t broken, something had twisted in my knee, probably when Zach had thrown himself on top of me to protect me from the blast.
“You bastard! Wake up!” I screamed at Zach. My rational thought was completely gone. “Why? Why did you have to do that?” I shouted as tears began coursing down my cheeks. Zach had to have known what he was doing when he’d thrown himself on top of me. In shielding me, he’d exposed more of himself to the blast. Hell, he must have known it was coming but instead of throwing himself to the ground, he’d given up precious seconds to protect me instead.
“Zach!” I called again as I grabbed his shirt to once again try to rouse him. When he didn’t wake, I scrambled to my feet and put my hands beneath his arms in the hopes I could drag him. But between his dead weight, my messed-up knee, and the rocky terrain, I had no hope of outrunning the flames. I dropped to my knees next to him and just stared at him. He had blood on his face now, but I knew it was from me transferring it to him with all my attempts to wake him. The smoke started to grow thicker, making it harder to breathe.
But that wasn’t why I dropped my head to his chest. It wasn’t why I whispered his name and clung to him as the world around us became darker and darker as it lost itself to the flames.
I silently apologized to my fathers as I considered what this would do to them, but I was where I needed to be. I had to believe they’d get that somehow. I rested my ear against Zach’s chest and tried to listen to the beating of his heart. I couldn’t hear it above the fire, of course, but when I pressed my fingers against his throat, it was easy enough to imagine the steady beat and soon it was all I heard.
“I love you,” I murmured. The smoke stung my eyes and clogged my throat as a strange sense of peace overcame me. I imagined we were lying in Zach’s bed, the softness of it cradling our tired bodies. We weren’t doing anything other than lying together, fully clothed, after a long day. No words were spoken. Just him stroking my hair with one hand while the other rested on my waist. Warm sunlight flooded the large room whose walls were covered in pictures of our families and friends. Our gear was stashed in one corner, ready to go for those frenzied moments when someone needed our help again. But until then, it was just us.
