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He was so upset that it was hard to understand him, so I leaned against his back and pressed kisses against his neck. “Shhhh, take a deep breath for me.”
Lucky quieted enough to do as I said. I used the time to carefully pull free of Lucky’s body without putting any distance between us. I reached between us so I could pull the condom off but ended up tossing it to the floor since I didn’t dare leave Lucky long enough to dispose of it properly.
I turned Lucky around so we could have this particular conversation face to face. “You weren’t going to say goodbye, were you?” he asked before I could say anything.
I sighed. “No,” I admitted.
“Is it that easy for you?” Lucky whispered. His voice was downtrodden, and he couldn’t look me in the eye. It was a stark change from only minutes earlier when he’d been giving in to my every demand without hesitation.
“Is what easy for me?”
Lucky didn’t respond right away. When he did, he looked me straight in the eye. “Leaving me.”
I knew what I should have said… what answer would be the one that would drive him away for good. But I couldn’t make the lie pass my lips. Frustration consumed me as I stepped away from him and yanked my pants up. The pain in my leg was a good distraction, but it wasn’t enough.
“Easy?” I grated out as I moved to the opposite side of the entryway. I pounded my fist against the wall a few times but all it did was feed into my anger. “Nothing about any of this has been easy, Lucky!” I snapped.
“Then why the hell do you keep doing it?” he asked. “I thought—I thought we were going to die on that mountain! I was so scared that I was going to lose you and then they came for us and I thought things would finally be different—”
“I never promised you anything,” I interjected.
Lucky’s face fell so fast that it was like I’d punched him or something.
“No… no, you didn’t,” he conceded. Lucky seemed to finally realize he was still half naked. He slowly pulled his pants up and fastened them. Then, just like that, he turned and reached for the doorknob. “Goodbye, Zach.”
I was moving before I realized it. I slapped my hand against the door and slammed it shut a split second after he opened it. “I told you I couldn’t give you what you wanted, Lucky,” I bit out.
Lucky stared at the door. “You never asked,” he whispered.
“What?”
“You never asked, Zach. You never asked what I wanted.”
“I didn’t need to. You made it clear two years—” I began to say.
“Two years ago I was a lovesick kid making a fool of myself. You’re not the only one who changed since then, Zach,” Lucky snapped. “But you didn’t even give me a chance to prove that I could… that I could…”
“Could what?” I asked impatiently.
“Be what you wanted,” he murmured. He tried to open the door again, so I covered his hand with mine.
“I don’t want you to be what I want. I want you to be who you are. Because that guy—”
“Don’t,” Lucky cut in. “Don’t tell me I’m perfect or amazing or whatever. What we just did… that was perfect. That was amazing.” Lucky removed his hand from the door and moved closer to me. Before he could say anything, there was a knock at the door, startling us both.
“Zach, it’s me,” I heard Tag call from the other side.
I glanced at Lucky but he seemed to be in no rush to leave the room. “Why don’t you go up to my room and get cleaned up?” I suggested. “Then I’ll take you back to the bunkhouse.”
Lucky opened his mouth, presumably to argue with me, but then Tag knocked again.
“Lucky, please,” I murmured as I pinched the bridge of my nose. The last thing I needed was Tag getting involved in this thing with Lucky. He was already riding me hard about leaving the program without any kind of explanation. The last thing I wanted was for him to blame Lucky in any kind of way.
Lucky left the room without a word. I waited until I was sure he was out of sight before opening the door.
“Hey,” Tag said.
“Hey,” I responded before motioning for him to come inside.
“Do you know where Lucky is? I have some news I want to share with him before he hears it from someplace else, but I can’t find him. One of the guys from the bunkhouse said they saw him leaving with a packed bag.”
I stilled at that. “What?”
Tag threw up his hands. “First you, now my best student. I don’t fucking get it.”
“He’s here, Tag,” I said. I hadn’t had any clue that Lucky had been planning on leaving the program, but he and I were certainly going to have that discussion before we went our separate ways.
