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Suddenly, I was exhausted. “I think I’m going to head to bed if you don’t mind. Thank you for letting me crash.”
Millie came over to give me another hug. “I’m so glad you showed up. This was exactly what I was hoping for when you moved back. I love being only an hour away from you now.”
“Well, you know you two can come use my place if you want a night in the city. It’s why I got a two-bedroom in the first place.”
After saying good night to both of them, I made my way to the guest room. It was nice and cool from the central air and the crisp, white sheets on the bed reminded me of a hotel room. Some of the framed photos on the wall were shots Kirk and Millie had taken on a camping trip to the Upper Peninsula a few years ago. They’d invited me to join them, but I’d been too busy with work. As I got ready for bed, I thought about whether or not they’d want to take another trip like that before the baby came. This time I’d make it a priority to go with them. I could even help with the heavy lifting so Millie wouldn’t have to do any of the work.
Instead of sliding into bed, I walked back out to the kitchen to float the idea to them. After all, if there was one thing I could use right now, it was a vacation to look forward to. Maybe the planning itself would distract me in the meantime.
I’d changed jobs for a reason, dammit. And that was to get a life. That didn’t mean I had to have a boyfriend. It meant I needed there to be more to life than my work. I’d start by planning this trip. Then I’d take Rourke up on his offer to go to the play. And when I returned to the city next week, I’d call Chelsea to schedule a jog in the park.
I was fine. And now I had a plan.
25
Teo
When I finally got up the nerve to come out of the bathroom after my shower, Chris was lying back in my bed in his underwear flicking through his phone as if nothing had just happened between us.
I went straight to my dresser and found a clean T-shirt and pair of sleep pants, sliding them on under my towel like a prude.
“Dude, I’ve seen you naked a thousand times, including ten minutes ago in the shower,” Chris said, not looking up from his phone.
I hung my damp towel on the bathroom doorknob. “It’s different now.”
He finally put the phone down and looked up at me. “Yes. It is different now. That’s what I was trying to acknowledge between us in the bathroom, Tee. But you freaked out.”
“Yeah, I freaked out. Of course I freaked out. We’re just friends for years and suddenly you call me your boyfriend out of the blue while you’re hopping in the shower with me? What the hell?” I was angrier than I thought. All the times I’d wished for him to claim me, all the times I’d wanted nothing more than to be his boyfriend, and that’s how it was going to happen? No conversation? No asking me out on a date or leaning in for a sweet kiss first?
My jaw tightened so hard, I heard my teeth squeak. So many words fought to escape my mouth all at the same time, but something held me back.
This isn’t the time to scream and yell at him. He just lost his grandfather.
“Teo,” he said softly, reaching out for me with one hand. “I thought this was what you wanted?”
He was right. Kind of.
“Yeah, but not right now. Not like this.” I slid into bed next to him and leaned over to turn off the bedside table light on my side. “It’s too much right now, Chris. I think we just need to get through the service, get back into a routine at work, and then revisit this when things feel more steady.”
Chris turned off the light on his side after shooing Socrates off the foot of the bed where he’d been curled into a little ball. A mean voice in my head made a snarky comment about how he had more right to that spot than Chris did, but I ignored my pettiness. As much as I’d been looking forward to being alone tonight, I really didn’t mind having someone to hold me all night. After spending several nights with Jack in Canada, I’d discovered just how much I enjoyed not being alone in bed.
It wasn’t the same with Chris, but I chalked that up to the fact we weren’t having sex together. Surely, if we were fucking, things would be as good as they’d been with Jack, right?
