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“You don’t understand.” I licked my fork. “See, Dunn was confused. He kissed me in the parking lot last night during dinner—”
“Oh ho.” Carter’s eyes lit up. “That’s a weird way to treat his asthma, Dr. Wright. Guess they do things more hands-on in the Thicket, hmm?”
“Hush,” I told him again. “The point is, after the kiss, Dunn got all kinds of freaked-out about his sexuality. I wanted to talk then, but he wouldn’t. Instead, he went back inside to finish his date with Jenn.” And I hadn’t realized how much that hurt until I said it aloud. I chopped the cake into crumbs. “They ordered tater tots, Carter. Deliberately.”
“Mmm.” He stroked his chin. “Yeah, Jenn explained the tater tot thing last night while you were giving Dunn a tonsillectomy with your tongue. I think she thinks we’re best friends, since my date was besties with her date, which was convenient since she was very forthcoming on a whole bunch of subjects—and once again, let me just say, this town is a fucking hoot.”
“Delightful.” I shoveled in another mouthful of cake. “Congwats on yow new fwienship.”
Carter chuckled lightly. “Tuck, tater tots or not, every time you fake-laughed at one of my incredibly witty rejoinders, Dunn’s shoulders crawled up closer to his ears, and I’ve never seen someone look so mortally offended by my discussion of antithrombotic therapies. Pretty sure you’re Dunn Johnson’s true-tot-love.”
God, I wanted to believe that, but for the sake of my sanity, I couldn’t let myself. “Nope. No.”
“Oh, but yes.” Carter grinned. He waved a hand magnanimously. “Anyway, go on with your tale. Dunn swung around for a booty call, and?”
“No, see, it wasn’t like that at all! He came over here looking for comfort. From his friend. And instead we ended up frotting and, ah, other stuff.” I winced guiltily. “And then we slept in my bed, and this morning he said he wanted to talk in this super-serious voice. And no wonder, right? Who does that, Carter? Who gives a friend a com-frot?”
“A really, really good friend.” Carter snorted. “A com-frot. What the hell is in that cake?”
“Sugar, and stop being judgy.” I pushed the rest of the cake away and pressed a hand to my stomach, suddenly nauseous. Every single time I thought about this, the situation seemed worse and worse, and I was more and more clearly at fault. “In my greedy lust, I may have ruined the most important friendship I’ll ever have. Pardon me if I’m slightly panicked over it.”
“You’re slightly something alright.” Carter hopped down, grabbed a jelly jar from the glass-front cabinet, filled it with water from the fridge door, and handed it to me. “Drink this and listen up. Tucker, Dunn Johnson is an adult. An adult with a gay best friend, a gay brother, and at least eighty other gay male neighbors in the greater Thicket environs according to Cindy Ann, all of whom he probably knows and likes. Right? He’s hardly awash in homophobia.”
“Right,” I agreed cautiously.
“And he also looks at you the way you look at chocolate—like he will cut anyone foolish enough to stand between you. He knows you, Tuck. He loves you.”
“He does.” I guzzled some water. “But as a friend.”
“Maybe friendship is how he’s let himself define his feelings for you in the past.” Carter opened my fridge and pulled out something wrapped in paper. He set it on a plate. “Maybe he’s defining it differently now. Maybe he’s genuinely attracted to you.”
I thought of Dunn’s face staring down at me as I worked him, and I swallowed hard.
“It doesn’t work like that. Not really.” I reminded myself of this fact daily. Sometimes hourly. Sometimes more. Especially since last fall, when I’d stupidly let myself hope after he kissed me at the Pickin’.
Carter led me away from the cake, over to the little table in the breakfast nook. He pushed me onto one chair, then took the seat opposite, and set the plate on the table between us.
“Except sometimes it does work like that. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that bisexuality is real, do I?” He narrowed his eyes. “That sexuality exists on a continuum? That many, many people identify as straight until they find themselves attracted to someone of their own gender, which sometimes doesn’t happen until they’re in their twenties, or thirties, or later?”
“I know.” I did. Theoretically. And the very idea of Dunn being one of those people, and that I might be the someone he was attracted to, made my chest hurt, because I wanted it so much. “But then there are people like what’s his name that you slept with there…” I waved a hand. “Who are just experimenting and decide it’s not for them.”
“You mean Josh?” Carter’s jaw dropped. “Oh, come on, Tuck. I know for a fact you’ve got brains in that skull, so use ’em. Josh and I fucked around ’cause it was fun. We were never close friends, let alone best friends, let alone… whatever you and Dunn are, which is something past that. You really think Dunn would risk your relationship on a whim?”
