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, hell! Why wouldn’t I be? I had two handsome-as-fuck men who worshipped me, my worth points were through the roof, and Patty and Klaus were the best friends in the world! Patty and Pazuzu were on good terms now. That didn’t mean they were all buddy-buddy twenty-four seven, but when they happened to be in the same room, they were civil. Pandora and Paz, however… That was a different story. The ex-fiancé avoided us both like the plague. Every time she saw us together, she’d scowl and almost spit in our faces. She actually did that once, after the word about me sleeping with her ex and his friend had gone out. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how gossip worked in this place! Things none of the parties involved whispered a word about got out there in a matter of hours. Fucking mages! There was, literally, no other realistic explanation.
Okay, so the entire school knew I now shagged Paz and GC, most nights at the same time, and still… it was the weirdest thing. No one was calling me a slut anymore! No one whispered whore, kuchka, or kurva behind my back. What had changed? The simple fact that our relationship was official? Or maybe, the head of the Mighty Jerks had changed. Sariel.
Sariel. The very first day of year two, semester one, I noticed something had changed in him. He was different. As usual, he sat at the front in every class, studied like hell, worked on extra projects to impress the professors, kissed ass for worth points when he had to. He was still ahead of me on the worth scoreboard. In fact, he was first. Right behind him, Francis, Lorna, and I were trying to catch up. He minded his own business. Girls didn’t flock around him as they used to, and most days, not even Lorna shadowed him like before. She’d tried at first, but after a week of Sariel rejecting her harshly and blatantly, she kind of gave up. She sat behind him in class, but rarely ate at the VDC table. Which was more than weird. Since I’d known them, Lorna and Sariel had been inseparable. He had never been into her, that much was obvious, but at least he’d tolerated her and considered her his sidekick. Now, not even that was a thing anymore. Sariel Gracewing, the archangel, the Protector of the Heavens, the bully who’d tried to kill me twice, had become a loner.
Francis. He was the only one who still kept close to his childhood friend. At the VDC table, they sat next to each other. They talked in hushed voices sometimes, but that was about it. They didn’t laugh, didn’t make jokes. It was as if they had suddenly become the saddest people in the world, and they were supporting each other in their sadness. Focused on school and nothing else.
That suited me just fine. It had been somewhat of a shock at first, but I soon got used to the peace and quiet. I could live my life without having to look over my shoulder every second of every day, and not just because GC and Pazuzu were always there, ready to punch anyone who as much as looked at me the wrong way.
There was no point in lying, though. Sometimes I did miss Francis and the light chats we used to have in the Holy Chapel. On the first week of school, I went to the Holy Chapel three or four times, telling myself that I missed the place. But Francis didn’t seem to spend time there, anymore, so I gave up. If I wanted to be alone, the Unholy Chapel was just as good, and it didn’t come with that jittery feeling in my chest that felt too much like anticipation and hope that Francis would show up and it would all be like it once used to. The two of us staring at the altar, simply enjoying each other’s company. As much as I missed those times, I knew it could never be the same. Not after what I’d learned about him. Not after his god had almost swallowed me whole. Not after I’d almost been sacrificed to sustain his immortality.
I still didn’t know who or what Francis Saint-Germain was. Undead? Seemed like it. Had he died first and then been revived and granted immortality? No idea. Did I want to ask him all these questions? Yes. Was I going to? Probably not.
I often caught myself wondering whether Sariel had told Francis what he’d told me before the finals. MDC. He was Merciful Death, and he’d deceived the system and gotten himself in the Violent Death Cabal. He’d said I was the only one who knew. But why not tell his childhood friend? Why carry the burden of this secret alone? So what if he was MDC? Who cared? Being merciful was just as valid as being violent. He was going against his own nature, so no wonder he struggled so hard to keep his grades and worth points up. He’d done the practice, just like everyone else (well, except for me, of course), and from what I’d heard, he’d done well. That was another thing I kept wondering about when GC and Paz happened to give me a few moments to think of something else than their tongues down my throat or up my… ahem. How had Sariel survived practice? As a Merciful Death, he should have practiced reaping the pained souls of people who died alone, abandoned, or forgotten. Instead, he’d been dragged to back alleys and bloody warzones, he’d seen torn bodies and victims of abuse and murder. How had he held up when he wasn’t cut out for this?
Did I want to ask him all these questions? Yes. Was I going to? Probably never.
Since dating GC and Paz had literally granted me a whole new social status, I grew bolder. Gone were the days when I’d hide in my room to study. At the library, I’d claimed a spot by the window, and no one aside from GC, Paz, and Klaus dared to sit at my table or steal it when I wasn’t there. They didn’t fear me, obviously; they feared them. And since Sariel and Lorna had stopped bullying me, there was no reason to enrage my boyfriends. Sammy the angel, Kitty the succubus, and Sheba the demoness usually left me alone, too. They would sometimes laugh or whisper between themselves as I passed them in the hallways, but they avoided saying anything to my face. I knew they hated me. I knew they were on Pandora’s side and they were waiting for something to happen, for me to fall into disgrace, or for Paz or GC to break up with me, so things would go back to normal, because that normality, their normality, meant they could push me around and make fun of me. Well, tough luck. Because none of that was going to happen. My guys were crazy about me, and I was crazy about them. So, the bitches at the Academy could suck it the hell up.
But growing too bold soon proved to be a mistake on my part. GC and Paz were stuck in Anthropology with Mrs. Po when I finished Geography earlier because Mrs. Maat had an emergency. That rarely happened, but when it did, the students thanked the Heavens and Hell at the same time, since we got so little free hours for ourselves. Klaus had been in class with me, but he rushed to the kitchens. Not because he was hungry, but because… well, he had a sweetheart there. Patty had introduced him to Joel, a smoking hot merman who cooked one hell of a brisket when he wasn’t out in the ocean, swimming, and it hadn’t taken Klaus too long to become completely entranced. So, he left me to my own devices. I could have gone to the Holy Chapel. I could have gone to the Unholy Chapel just as well. But no. I felt like going for a walk outside the Academy gates, in the woods.
I followed the trail to the glade where we’d celebrated Mabon one year ago, and before I knew it, my steps led me to the twin cliffs. I wrapped my arms around myself and peered over the edge. The ocean was particularly angry today, waves crashing so hard against the rocks that one might think they were trying to corrode the cliffs until they both gave in and collapsed into the water.
I followed the edge of the cliff and stopped in the exact spot where Sariel had convinced me to jump that night. The wind was picking up, and I buttoned up my uniform blazer. Thanks to my wristbands, I wasn’t that cold. I looked around me and found what I needed. It was hidden behind some bushes a few feet away, near the edge of the cliff – a narrow path that led down down down to the hidden beach.
This will help. I need to see it again, make peace with it. I’d felt for a long time that I needed to go to the beach where I’d almost died. Face your demons, confront your past. It’s never easy, but it can be cathartic. Since that night, I hadn’t set foot in the ocean again. Which was a shame, because I loved swimming. I’d spent the entire summer at the Academy, the beaches beckoning to me, and the unnaturally calm waves tempting me with the promise of a refreshing swim, yet I’d stayed locked up in my room, trying to forget there was an ocean outside. It was time
for this to stop. It was time for me to look my own fears in the eye and tell them they had no power over me. Not anymore. I wasn’t the Mila they had taken hold of a year ago. I was a woman now. A woman who could love two men. A woman who’d almost been eaten by a monster and gotten away in one piece. A woman who knew secrets that could change the supernatural world forever. I was a woman who wanted a goddamn swim, even if it froze her tits up.
The path down soon turned into slippery steps. I clenched my teeth and focused. Once I got to the bottom, the beach spread before my eyes. It looked pristine and untouched. I walked to where the sand was still wet from the high tide, identified the spot where GC had dragged me from the water and lay me to give me CPR, then proceeded to remove my clothes. This time, the ocean wouldn’t claim me. I would claim it. In my bra, my panties, and my elbow-high wristbands, I stepped into the water, shivering from the cold breeze. It really wasn’t a good time for swimming. It hadn’t been a good time for swimming last year on Mabon either, and I didn’t get a cold, so I was going to be fine.
I advanced into the water and dived under the surface, pushing the air through my nostrils. The waves were pretty wild, but I was a confident swimmer. I didn’t plan on going too far, anyway. Just far enough so I could see up the cliff. I resurfaced, wiped the water from my eyes, and looked up. There was no one at the edge. I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them and tried to go back in time, to that night. The full moon was bathing the landscape in a warm glow, and they were there, on the background of the sky. Sariel, Pazuzu, and Francis. Lorna, just a few feet back. And GC… GC launching himself off the cliff in his golden calf form, shifting midair, and hitting the water as a man. Saving me. I smiled to myself, dived back under, then resurfaced and finally swam back to shore. I was feeling better now. The cold water got my blood running, and I felt strong and invigorated.
Hey there, summer, move your lazy ass and come sooner. I have some serious swimming and sunbathing to do.
I waited until I was decently dry, then hopped back into my clothes and climbed up the cliff. I hurried back to the Academy, as the next class was about to start. As I rushed into the inner courtyard, Lorna blocked my way, making me almost bump into her.
“There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” She’d been with me and Klaus in Geography, and she’d probably hoped she’d get me alone, since Paz and GC weren’t there. She looked at my wet hair and scrunched up her nose. “You smell like wet chicken.”
I rolled my eyes. “What do you want, Lorna? Wait. I don’t care. Move!” I made to walk past her, but she wouldn’t have any of that. She blocked my way again.
“You and I need to have a little chat.”
“No, we don’t. I have nothing to say to you.”
“Oh, but I have plenty to say to you.” She was right up in my face now. “You said something to Sariel, didn’t you? Or did something. You pulled some shady shit, and now he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re crazy!”
“No, I’m not crazy. I know, dumpster girl, because I’m a mage. You two talked last year.” She pressed her fingers to her temples. “I can sense it. I can almost see it. I’ve been trying all the spells I know, all the chants, all the see-into-the-past potions. Nothing seems to work just right, but I’ve gotten glimpses. I saw the two of you in the north tower, and he told you something. Then you touched him.” She was hissing at me by this point, like a venomous cobra that was about to sink its fangs into my face. “You fucking touched him on the arm. And since then, he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. He doesn’t even want me around. You did something to him, dumpster girl. What is it? What did you do? Did you ask that gay friend of yours to put a spell on him? A curse?”
“Oh my God, Lorna! Sariel is not cursed! He just doesn’t want you! And it’s nothing new, either. If you could just open your eyes for once and see the reality… He never wanted you. It’s so obvious. The only reason why he tolerated you last year was because you’re a powerful mage and he needed you to torture me. That’s all. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone. Literally. Anyone! Ask Pandora, Sammy, Sheba… If they really are your friends, they’ll tell you the truth. The whole school can see it, so why do you insist on being so blind? I know you love him. I do. But that doesn’t change the fact that he simply doesn’t love you back. He took advantage of you, that’s all. Because you can do things he can’t. Also, you made it so easy for him to get away with the bullying as you got yourself in trouble and lost worth points over me.”
I should have kept my mouth shut. What was I thinking? That I was doing her a favor telling her the truth she didn’t want to hear? Could I have prevented what happened in the next couple of minutes if I had been gentler? If I had used other words? Okay, I might have been a bitch to her this time, but she’d done such horrible things to me that it was hard to not stoop to her level when she provoked me like that.
She took a step back, and her eyes rolled back in her head as she lifted her arms to the sky. Blue energy started flowing through her eyes, falling in rivulets down her cheeks, just like at the Yule Ball. I gulped. When Lorna did that, she meant business. Last time, she’d formed a huge crystal ball and showed the whole school who my real mother was. She hadn’t hurt me physically, but she’d messed up my head real good, left me wondering who I was and where I came from for months. I’d just started to make peace with what she’d revealed then, and now she was doing it again – hurting me in ways I couldn’t even begin to understand.
I felt myself being lifted from the ground. My eyes went wide, I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. I kicked my arms and legs, trying to get back down to safety, but there was no use.
