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He bit the inside of his cheek. We looked into each other’s eyes for a long minute, and even though I was dying to find out who’d ripped his wings, – so I’d know who to go after, – I stood there patiently, knowing this moment was crucial. He was trying to decide whether he could trust me or not, and whatever conclusion he reached, it would be impossible to make him reconsider it later. So, it had to be a positive conclusion.
“Fine, whatever. You and the people you’ve trapped in your bubble are the only ones who don’t know, anyway. The whole school knows.”
Bubble? It was true that since we’d started dating, GC and Paz had grown less and less interested in the outside world. But I had no idea we were in a bubble.
“My wings were the price I had to pay if I wanted to stay at the Academy. My family disowned me, and Morningstar wanted to expel me. I begged. I actually begged my parents and Morningstar. I told them that if I’m not a Grim Reaper, then I’m nothing. It’s the only thing I’ve got in this world, the only thing I’ve ever wanted. I was ready to do anything to be allowed to continue my studies. So, they told me the price. And I accepted.”
“Why?”
“They wanted to punish me, so I let them. I’d deceived them since day one. My family had disowned me anyway. Wings or no wings, I knew I’d never see them again. And to tell you the truth, since it was so easy for them to shun me, I didn’t want to be an archangel anymore. When you’re born one, though, you usually die one. The only way out is…”
“... to lose your wings.”
“Yeah. I’m a Fallen One now. Hell adopted me. It was painful, but it was worth it. I don’t need my family’s fortune to make a living. I have my own money, you know. It’s not much, but I can afford a place in Limbo.” Limbo was the First Circle of Hell. “And Morningstar took my sacrifice as a sign that I’m truly dedicated to becoming a Grim Reaper. So, here I am.” He smiled weakly. “I miss flying, but I’ll survive.”
I closed my eyes and took everything in for a moment. I wanted to say so much. Raging against his parents and my father wouldn’t do him any good. What was done was done, and he just wanted to move forward.
“Why were they bullying you? Merrit, Raziel, the others…?”
He laughed out loud, and it was a genuine laugh. “Come on, Mila! You know why. Because I’m different now. I’m not one of them anymore. You should know better than anyone that’s what happens when you’re different.”
“It’s bullshit.”
He sighed. “Aren’t you at least a little bit happy, though? Now I know how it feels, and all that.”
I pursed my lips. Double standards… I’d just had Corri seize Lorna with a tight rope and a ball gag, taken pictures of her, and asked her the classic four words every bullied kid-turned bully asks when the tables turn: “How. Does. It. Feel.” And I couldn’t do it to Sariel. I could never do it to Sariel. But then again… Lorna was just tied up a bit. The ropes didn’t even leave bruises. Sariel had had his wings ripped out of his back. There were limits, right? There was bullying, and then there was… extreme bullying. What the hell is wrong with me? It’s the same stinky, putrid crap. Next time I saw Lorna, I was going to delete the pictures and tell her I was sorry.
“No, I’m not happy.” I placed my other hand on his cheek, too. “I don’t want you to know how it feels.” I lifted myself on my toes. “Because it feels awful, and no one should go through it. Not you, not even Lorna… not my worst enemies.” We were so close now that I could feel his breath on my lips, and he could feel mine. Our eyes were locked. “I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I want to make it right. I don’t know how, though, so you tell me… Tell me how to make it right.”
“You’re already making it much better,” he breathed.
He leaned in, and our lips touched. Tentatively, at first. It wasn’t even a kiss. We were just standing there, my hands on his burning cheeks, his hands on my waist, eyes still wide open, lips unmoving. It was as if neither of us understood what was happening, what we’d gotten ourselves into. Was I cheating on GC and Pazuzu? Why Sariel? Why was I kissing Sariel, the guy who’d tried to kill me twice in one year?! Was it out of pity? Was it out of…
His lips moved against mine. I sighed, closed my eyes, and allowed my body to melt and mold against his wide chest and into his possessive arms. His hands touched the small of my back, and my skin burned under the cotton dress. When I parted my lips for him, his tongue slipped inside, and I tasted him for the first time. My core throbbed with need, and I squeezed my legs together. I could feel him hard and ready, and I knew the more I allowed this to happen, the more we were inching into dangerous territory. We had to stop. I have to stop. What the hell am I doing? I traced his jaw and neck with my trembling fingers, then finally placed my hands firmly on his chest. His heart beat steadily under my palm, and that made it even harder to push him away. I willed my heated, stupid brain to start producing rational, coherent thoughts again, and broke the kiss. We looked into each other’s eyes like we were just meeting now for the first time.
“Mila…”
“Is this real?”
He nodded.
“Because your parents…” They’d wanted us to be together since they’d found out I was Morningstar’s daughter.
“They’re not my parents anymore. They have no say in what I do with my life.”
“You’re free…”
He smiled a sad, yet oddly grateful smile. “No wings… Can’t fly anymore… But yes, I suppose I’m free for the first time in my life.”
I stepped away and touched my lips. “I don’t…”
“Don’t say it,” he interrupted me quickly, although he had no idea what I was going to say. “Just don’t say it. I’ve liked you for a long time, Mila.”
“How long?”
“Year one? I… I can’t remember…”
I frowned. “You’re confused. Year one is when you tried to kill me twice.”
