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“Anyway, Spencer said he told Peter he wouldn’t meet him, and Peter accused him of playing hard to get.” She paused and gulped. “And then Peter said Spencer used to do the same thing when they were dating, only….”
Suddenly, Alicia went from hyper to sad, her eyes filling with tears.
“Only what?” Emilio asked frantically. “What’d he say happened when they were dating?”
“He said—” She put her hand on Emilio’s forearm. “He said Spencer wouldn’t have sex with him. But, hermanito, listen to me. The way Spencer was acting when Peter got close to him, and the way Peter was talking about how things used to be between them… I think Spencer was scared.”
Emilio’s hackles went right up. “Scared? Why was he scared? Did that fucker do something to Spencer? Why didn’t you come get me?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” She shook her head. “That Peter guy wasn’t nice, but I didn’t get the impression he had hurt Spencer.” Emilio relaxed and Alicia added, “But I’m pretty sure somebody did.” It wasn’t anything he didn’t already suspect. “You don’t look surprised,” she said.
“That’s because I’m not. Look, Alley, I don’t feel right talking about this with you. I don’t think he’d want anybody to know, but… I’ve noticed some things and… I’m not surprised, okay? Let’s leave it at that.”
She chewed on her bottom lip and looked at Emilio thoughtfully. “Yeah, I understand, but if he’s been sexually assaulted and it’s impacting his relationships…. Just tell me this: Have you had sex with him?”
“There are lots of ways to have sex,” Emilio said stubbornly.
“You know what I mean, hermanito.”
“Weirdest fucking topic of conversation with you ever,” Emilio grumbled.
“I’m trying to help. You know I—”
“I know.” He sighed. “No, we haven’t had sex the way you mean, and, yeah, I think it’s because he’s been hurt. But it don’t matter. Like I said, there are different ways to have sex, and even if we never… you know, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”
That was maybe a bit of an exaggeration. Emilio had wanted to get inside Spencer’s ass since before they had exchanged their first hellos, and he’d be disappointed if it couldn’t ever happen. But he could live with a little disappointment if it meant staying in Spencer’s life. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t happy with how things were going in bed. Spencer was magic with his mouth, with his hands, with his body. Hell, sex with Spencer was already better than anything or anybody else, so even if Emilio never got to fuck him, he could deal.
“Aww, hermanito.” Alicia squeezed his arm. “You’re such a sweet boy.”
“I’m not a boy! I’m twenty-two years old.”
“I know.” Alicia smiled fondly. “You’re right. You’re all grown up, but I’m still ten years older than you and I’ve experienced some things you haven’t, so listen to me, yeah?”
Emilio grunted his assent.
“A person who has been hurt before, badly hurt, has a hard time trusting, so if another person wants to have a relationship with someone like that, he better be really sure about it, because if he’s just playing around and the other person trusts him but then he gets bored or gives up he can really hurt that person. More than with people who haven’t been hurt, you know?”
“I don’t even know if that was English, Alley, but I ain’t playing around, I ain’t gonna get bored, and I ain’t gonna hurt Spencer.”
“Not on purpose but—”
“Not on purpose, not on accident, not ever. Look, I know you’re my big sister, but I’m not a kid. I know he has a past, I get it, but he’s the one, you know? He’s the guy for me. If that means no… uh, you know, that’s okay by me.”
Alicia leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Okay, fine. I can see you really care about him, hermanito, and I get it. He’s real special, smart, handsome, worldly. But before you decide to write off sex because it’s okay with you, make sure it’s okay with him too, yeah?”
Okay, now he was really confused. “What does that mean? You just said—”
“I said it sounded like he didn’t want to have sex with that Peter douche. I said I think he’s been hurt. I said having a history like that might mean he’d never be able to have sex. But I didn’t say any of those things were what Spencer wants.” She blinked rapidly. “Sometimes we want something so much, but then when it’s right in front of us, our bodies betray us and make us push it away, you know?” A single tear escaped from her eye and rolled down her cheek. She moved the back of her right hand across it and wiped it away. “If you really care about him, hermanito, don’t give up on him. Saying you’ll stand by him either way is wonderful. But if there’s a way for him to be whole again, if you can be strong enough to help him with that….” She swiped at the corners of both eyes and swallowed hard.
