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Part of that was because Rachel had never had any interest in meeting him or any of my previous boyfriends. I figured her reason was a self-imposed loyalty to her brother, so I’d never given her a hard time about it. Plus, the truth of the matter was, she looked enough like Charlie that I would have felt strange touching anybody else in front of her.
So, by unspoken agreement, whenever I spent time with her, I did it solo. I’d go over for dinner when Adan had late meetings or spend an afternoon with them when he traveled for business. It was easier that way. But now Rachel was gone, I’d been needed for last-minute babysitting, and bringing Adan with me had seemed like a good idea.
“Sure he can. Right, Adan?”
“Uh-huh, sure.” Adan looked at Bobby and said, “Do you know where Chase… I mean, Uncle Charlie went tonight?”
Okay, so maybe bringing him hadn’t been a great idea. Though I had been expecting Charlie’s mom to be with the kids, not Charlie, so it wasn’t like I could have anticipated how it would play out. That… and the fact that I had no idea Adan knew Charlie.
“Is he going out on a date with his boyfriend? Does he have a boyfriend? Does he date?” Adan fired out the questions in rapid succession.
I was still squatting, so I smacked him in the shin again and said, “Come on! Get a grip. Not in front of the K-I-D-S.”
“I can spell, you know. I’m seven,” Bobby notified us.
“Shi… I mean da… I mean, uh.” I blinked rapidly, tried to get my brain in order, and toppled backward, landing on my ass.
Adan started laughing hysterically.
Bobby snorted, rolled his eyes, and said, “You guys are weird. I’m going to play with Stephi.” Then he vacated the room almost as quickly as Charlie had bolted from the apartment.
“So,” Adan said.
“Yup,” I answered.
“That’s the Charlie you talk about?”
I furrowed my brow and looked up at him. “I don’t remember us ever discussing exes, Adan. In fact, I think that was something we both agreed to from the beginning. Leave the past in the past, isn’t that what we said?”
“You talk in your sleep sometimes, hon.”
“Shit.” I stood up, feeling horrible and needing to apologize for the pain that must have caused him.
He held his hand out and helped me up. “No cussing in the house,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.
“God, I’m sorry. Are you mad?”
“No, I’m not,” he assured me. “I’m not going to say I liked it, but it’s not like I didn’t understand.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked into his eyes, trying to read his expression. He looked tired and sad, but not angry. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
He sighed deeply and then said, “Because it would have made me a hypocrite.”
“A hypocrite?”
“I have my own one-that-got-away, Scott. The only difference is, I kept my mouth shut about him when I was awake and when I was asleep.” He paused, looking deeply pained, shuddered, and then added in a whisper, “But that doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about him.”
“Charlie?” I asked.
He nodded. “I know him as Chase, but yes.”
We stood in silence for a couple of minutes, both of us thinking, and then I said, “We should probably talk, huh?”
The corners of Adan’s mouth curled up. “You want to have a conversation? What, like about feelings and shit? Do people even do that anymore?”
I chuckled, but I felt too weighed down with emotions to find the humor in the situation. “I love you. I want you to know that. Whatever I said in my sleep and whatever I felt—” I paused and took a deep breath, forcing myself to be honest with the man who shared every facet of my life. “—or feel about Charlie, doesn’t impact what you mean to me. It doesn’t change how much I love you.”
When he didn’t respond and stood there, looking as melancholy as I felt, I started to worry. “Adan.” I kissed him gently. “We agreed to build a life together and share our future, and I’ve never regretted that, not once. Please believe me.”
“I do believe you, hon.” He circled his arms around my hips, and we held each other. “And I feel the same way. I’ve never regretted it, even when things haven’t been easy and even though everything isn’t always perfect.”
I understood what he meant. We loved each other, liked each other, and respected each other. But life in the bedroom could be a challenge. It wasn’t an issue of attraction—I found him sexy as hell and I could tell from the way he looked at me and the way he touched me that he felt the same way about me. But before we’d gotten together, I had dated guys who liked to bottom with only an occasional desire to change it up, and he had topped exclusively. We’d found a middle ground over the years, both of us learning to bend, learning to move outside of our comfort zones to find happiness together. But we had always known that was one area where compatibility was a bit of a challenge.
