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Charlie came closer. “What—” He swallowed thickly. “What weren’t you honest about?”
Adan squeezed my hand and squared his shoulders. “The reason I didn’t share your pie wasn’t because of germs. It was because we were in public and I didn’t want anybody to think we were together.”
I gasped, but Charlie didn’t even flinch. Instead, he took yet another step forward. “Together as in—”
“It’s stupid, right?” Adan said, his voice sounding thick. “I figured if I didn’t dip my fork in your food, nobody would think we were fucking.”
“Yeah, that’s stupid.” Charlie took another step. “If sharing food meant sharing a bed, I’d have been sleeping with Selina for years.”
Adan smiled at Charlie, but rather than coming across as happy, the expression made him look even more downtrodden. “I was a real idiot. I thought the way you dressed and the way you acted made you weak and silly, and I was terrified anybody would think I was like you.”
My jaw dropped and I jerked away from my boyfriend. I loved him, I did. But I loved Charlie too, I always had, and hearing Adan talk to him that way made me sick.
Amazingly, Charlie seemed completely unfazed. “I still dress the same way, Adan.” Charlie motioned to his tight sleeveless shirt and form-fitting skinny pants. God, he was gorgeous. So gorgeous. Even more so as an adult than he’d been as a teenager. “And I’m still as queeny as ever.”
“Yes, you are. But I’m not the same, baby. I know you weren’t the weak one back then, it was me. I know how much braver you were, how much more self-confident. I know you were the one strong enough to be yourself no matter what anybody else said and no matter what it cost you. And I know I was the idiot who was too scared to admit how much I wanted you.”
Charlie moved closer; his gaze was fixed on Adan. “You never had any trouble saying you wanted me.”
“I never had any trouble saying I wanted you on your knees. I never had any trouble saying I wanted to fuck you. I never had any trouble asking you to suck me off.”
“Adan!” I hissed. “Stop it. Are you listening to yourself? How could you—”
“It’s the truth,” Charlie said. He sat down at the edge of the coffee table, close enough to touch.
“But what I didn’t say,” Adan continued, his voice shaking, “was that I wanted to hear you laugh. I wanted to hear stories about your day and listen to the way you saw the world. I wanted to watch you cook dinner and read a magazine and practice for your shows. I never admitted to you or even to myself, that those clothes you wear, the way you stand, the things I complained about? I never admitted that they turned me on, that I got hard just looking at you, and that I was ashamed of myself for feeling that way.” He reached for Charlie’s hand and, to my surprise, Charlie didn’t pull away. “I was ashamed of myself, baby. I blamed you, I said it was you, but it was me. It was always me.” He took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry. So sorry. Please believe me. Please forgive me.”
I didn’t know what to do. The conversation was surreal. Well, the whole situation was like the Twilight Zone, really, but that moment had to be the apex of bizarre. There I sat with my boyfriend and his ex-boyfriend… who was also my ex-boyfriend.
Charlie, who I remembered as happy and upbeat, looked exhausted and devastated. I wanted to tell him that he should never let anyone run him down the way Adan had, that it was unforgiveable. But I also wanted to beg him to forgive Adan; I wanted to point out how hard it must have been for Adan to expose so much, how sorry he was.
Adan, who was usually about as emotional as a statue, had unshed tears in his eyes. I wanted to comfort him and tell him everything would be okay. But I also wanted to kick his ass after hearing him talk about the way he’d treated Charlie.
“I forgive you.” Charlie sniffled and cupped Adan’s cheek with his free hand; the other was still twined with Adan’s. “Don’t cry, okay? I forgive you.”
With a choked cry, Adan lunged for Charlie, wrapped his arms around Charlie’s tiny waist, and jerked him into his lap. He buried his face in Charlie’s neck and mumbled, “Thank you.” He moved his mouth up Charlie’s throat. “Thank you.” He dragged his lips across Charlie’s chin. “Thank you.” Then he gazed into Charlie’s eyes and slanted their mouths together.
As soon as their lips connected, Adan moaned and Charlie whimpered. The kiss was tender and emotional, and it made my chest ache. I couldn’t pull my gaze away, couldn’t stop my heart from racing, couldn’t contain my own sounds of need.
