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“I don’t even want kids, so it’s really not,” Hannah said. She glanced away and saw Parenting magazine on the small side table, with a rosy-cheeked baby staring back at her. She wondered what Grant’s baby would look like. Beautiful, of course. With his eyes and smile and—
Why the hell am I thinking about babies? Stop it.
“You’d be a good mom,” Laura said softly, tapping into the major fear Hannah had.
No . . . I wouldn’t be.
She was a product of her mother—a woman who’d left her child—and her father, a drunk who didn’t give a shit about his child. Hannah didn’t have the DNA to be a parent, and she would never put an innocent child through her bumbling attempts at parenting. Because the single most terrifying question pierced her brain every time she started to wonder about having a child . . .
Would I be just like my father?
The fear was too real and way too scary to risk.
“And Grant seems like a great guy and—”
“I’m not having a baby with Grant,” Hannah cut her friend off.
Laura shrugged. “You’re married to him. You’ve never discussed a family?”
“We eloped on a cruise ship,” Hannah said with exasperation.
“You love him, though. You’re married to him. He brings out the best in you.”
Hannah frowned. Laura’s own brows were knit. She was assertive and serious.
“What are you giving me a hard time on this?” Hannah asked.
“I’m not, I just want you to try thinking through other options. Stop running from the good things.”
Hannah shook her head. “I’m not ready for a baby, and I don’t even know that my marriage will work out.”
“I’m not saying go have a baby, I’m saying that you should at least talk to the man you love and open up about what you feel. What you’re afraid of.”
Hannah huffed out a breath, trying to get this gut-wrenching pain to leave her stomach. With every breath it just twisted deeper. The ache pulsed upward until it beat in her throat like a drum.
She thought of Grant. Of all the other times she’d been consumed by this . . . fear. How he soothed her.
Last night had been incredible. After they’d had their dessert, Grant had cleaned her up and tucked her in bed. She’d slept hard. Feeling lost to happy exhaustion and secure with Grant’s warm body next to hers.
When she’d woken up this morning, she’d caught sight of his cell phone blinking. A text was displayed from some guy named Harvey, wishing Grant a happy birthday tomorrow. She realized that she was finding out little facts about Grant that she hadn’t known. Like that he had a birthday coming up. She’d focus on that. Focus on the time she had with Grant and not worry about all this other crap. Like the future. Or the all-important discussion one was apparently supposed to have with one’s spouse. Jesus, Hannah couldn’t even elope right. Had no idea how to be married or what came with it. Much less how to have a discussion about more.
“I need to buy my bar. I need a business, stability. That is my baby,” Hannah said to Laura, shutting down the conversation. She needed to get her mind right and stay focused on what she did have control over.
The nurse called for Hannah, and she got up and walked back. This conversation was over.
The doctor’s appointment turned out like any other. Monitor and watch and hope. Whatever. Hannah was happy to be at work with her mind busy on the tasks of running the bar. The bar phone rang, and Hannah spun to grab it.
“Goonies Bar, this is Hannah.”
“Hi, this is Sarah Roth. I am interest
ed in your services for an event. May I speak to the manager?”
Hannah frowned and held the phone away from her ear enough to glance at it. Not that she’d see a damn thing. But the call was unprecedented. Not to mention the term manager likely would be applied to Hannah, if her boss thought titles were ever necessary. Hannah would be the one to speak to in this situation. Plus, she was hell-bent on owning this bar, so either way . . . she could handle this.
“This is the manager,” Hannah finally said.
“There is an event being hosted at the new subdivision next Friday, at the Cal James Cabins ranch house. We’d like you to provide bartending services for the event.”
