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“You haven’t. That’s why I told you. Because of how much I do trust you and how much I love our time together. All of it.”
He shook his head. “There’s something dark in me.”
“You can tell me,” I whispered.
His eyes smoldered as they fastened on my face. “You’re tapping on fractured glass.”
I reached and held his hand, brought it to my mouth, and kissed his palm. I wouldn’t push. That wasn’t the point of me telling him. I did it because Harper was right, there was give and take. I gave what I could. I gave the truth, omitting one detail. Which was the who. It was up to Jack if he’d take it and give back.
“You’re the only one who makes me feel out of control. And it terrifies me,” he said in a low tone. “You say you love our time together? I don’t know how to love correctly.” His jaw tightened. “I could be the worst thing for you, and yet I can’t give you up.”
“I don’t want you to,” I said.
“There will come a time where I can’t keep you.”
“Are you still worried I can’t handle you?”
“Yes,” he said in a gruff tone. “But in a very different way than I imagined.”
My lips parted on a silent gasp. Jack’s secrets ran deep. Whatever waters we were treading were dark ones. He stood up and looked down at me.
“I don’t want you driving home. I’ll call Harper to come get you.”
“Wait.” I rose to face him. “I’m fine. Please, can we finish a single conversation?”
“It’s not a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because!” he faced me, so close that I felt his warmth dance from him, heating my own skin, and he wasn’t even touching me. “What I want to do right now is…”
“Is what?”
“It’s sick.”
“What do you want to do?”
He stepped toward me. “I want to fuck you.” He scoffed. “How disgusting is that? You bare your soul, and you know what instinct drives me? Taking you. Feeling you. Surrounding you. Anything to take away the pain you felt. But all I’m doing is adding to it.”
“You’re not! Don’t you understand? It’s the connection we have that I need. I want you too. So much. Because you’re my goodness. From my memories to my experiences…everything good is from you.”
He shook his head, and took another step toward me, then another.
“Push me away, Lana.”
“No,” I whispered.
He took another step. “Push. Me. Away.”
“No,” I said more firmly.
“You asked me if I enjoy inflicting pain?” Another step. “The answer is no. I don’t. I know what it feels like to be beaten, marred, cut, and broken. Throughout every moment, as it happened, I thought that pain was part of love. Because nothing else made sense.”
My heart broke open for the man before me. “It was your dad, wasn’t it? That hurt you?”
“Until the day I outgrew him.” Another step. “I would have killed him. I almost did. Cal stopped me. He’s the reason my father didn’t die years ago by my hand.”
My eyes shot wide, and the tears I’d been fighting lined them.
