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I struggled to open my eyes. Once they finally cracked, I was hit with the bright light of day and Bea’s round face beaming down at me. Her short gray hair swung around her plump cheeks and her florescent pink coat and matching knit hat were enough to blind me.
“You look tired,” she said and helped me sit up. I didn’t know if that was a joke, since she’d woken me up to say that. “Cal called me. He had to go back to the station today. Something about being short staffed and a small house fire on the other side of town.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you for waking me up.” I looked around to grab my things. After last night, Cal had dried me off and put me in one of his T-shirts, and it was so comforting I’d passed out and was dead to the world until now. “I was going to head out anyway.”
My brain was scrambled, trying to think of what to do next. I’d slept with Cal last night. I could convince myself it was a goodbye type of moment, but nothing in the way he held me was goodbye. But I’d meant what I’d said about commitment. I couldn’t give him one. All the pain and lust had built to a boiling point last night, and after his gift and the calm caring touch he’d delivered, I’d caved.
“Great! Because I was going to see if you wanted to grab a bite.” Her cheerful tone made me smile. “Maybe pancakes?”
“Pancakes,” I repeated. Funny, we’d just had pancakes last night at the station, but they sounded really good. Just the idea of a warm breakfast made my stomach growl.
“Pancakes sound wonderful, but I had some stuff to do today,” I said. I needed to focus on what I could control. Which was almost nothing.
“Like what?”
“I need to find a job.” That had been an inevitability. I’d like to find a source of income before all my money was gone, and while I was hopeful the insurance money would come in soon, I didn’t want to count on that.
She gave me a half hug. “You will really need a good meal then.”
Her blue eyes were kind, and they reminded me of Cal’s. So much it was difficult to look at them.
“Come on, honey. I’ll just keep pestering you until I get my way,” she hugged tighter. “Besides, just because the boys are idiots doesn’t mean you’re not still mine.”
The word hit my heart with so much force I wanted to fall back on the bed. Jack and Cal both had claimed me once, and now Bea was claiming me too?
“Yours?”
“Of course. You’re family.”
I wanted to argue. To tell her I wasn’t and that I didn’t have a family, but she just shooed me toward the bathroom and started the shower. Clearly, she wasn’t taking no for an answer. Maybe a day out with Bea wouldn’t be so bad.
After a few seconds of hot water, followed by a few minutes of ice cold water, I was ready to go. I’d needed the dose of freezing to settle my nerves because just being in that shower had spiked my blood pressure.
I walked out of Cal’s house with Bea and got into her car. She sped down the street, heading into town. She was taking the back roads. I’d think she was maybe even extending our drive, if I didn’t know better.
“You look horrible, honey.”
I smiled. Bea was never one to spare the truth. “I feel horrible.”
“I can imagine.” She glanced at me, the smell of her was comforting and her sad expression made me straighten my shoulders. I wouldn’t be weak. It was time I at least pretended I was alright.
“Do you want to talk about your dad?” she asked softly.
“There’s not much to talk about.” His death was still a bit surreal. While I had plenty to wait on, like the outcome of the fire investigation, as well as the investigation of my father’s death, and a court date for the charges I’d pressed against Brock, I felt a hint of relief.
It may make me an awful person, but Anita had looked me in the eye and wanted to be done. Didn’t want to have contact ever again. Which made me happy. I wasn’t happy my father was dead, of course, but that invisible rope that kept me tied to the VanBurens had been cut. Not sure if that was looking at the bright side or the horribly morbid side, but my emotions were too scrambled to figure it out. S
o, I’d take what little comfort I could get while everything remained unanswered and in chaos. The fire, my father’s death, questions were swirling and I sat waiting. Waiting for answers. Waiting for two men to give me back my soul.
I wasn’t certain the latter would ever happen.
All of the waiting was one thing, but processing what remained of myself after Jack and Cal had put me through the wringer these past several months was the breaking point. Because in every other case, I’d done what I was supposed to.
I was staying strong against Brock. Steeling myself against the fact that someone—likely someone with the last name VanBuren—was actively making my life miserable and endangering me by breaking in and then burning down my home. All that I could deal with, because there were steps to take. And I was taking them. But Jack? Cal? I didn’t know where to start. Had no idea what direction to step in, other than backwards.
“Lana?” Bea asked.
I realized water was forming around my eyes again. I shook my head and wiped a hand over my puffy cheeks.
