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“So, I can pick out any of these trees?” I asked.
Cal turned and stopped, looking around at the scattered forest at our disposal. “Yep, so long as it fits through the doorway, whatever you want.”
After taking a moment to examine the nearby prospects, I saw a full beautiful tree with thick needles that smelled amazing. It was barely taller than Jack and Cal, so a six and a half to seven footer, I’d guess.
“I like this one?” I asked.
“Yeah? Well, take your time, we’re not in a rush,” Cal said.
I looked around…nope, this was the tree. “This is it,” I said with a smile.
“Okay then, step back,” Cal said. I did and Jack was right behind me. With a hand around my waist, he guided us back several more paces.
“You just cut down whatever you want?”
“It’s a tradition,” he said. I looked at him and something fond flashed across his expression, like he was recalling a pleasant memory. “Bea would drive us out here when we were younger. We’d pick out a tree, cut it down, and bring it home.”
My chest stilled for a moment, thinking of Jack and Cal as kids, teenagers even, getting a tree with Bea. Tradition. Something families did. And now they were sharing it with me?
“That’s nice,” I said softly.
“A few years ago, Cal and I bought the land and put a cabin on it.” I turned in his arms and looked at him. “It’s a place to escape when life gets…” His dark eyes took in every inch of my face, and he looked at me like he could see straight to my soul. “Complicated.”
I nodded. Understanding that notion completely. “I can see how things feel less complicated out here.” There was nothing but miles of open space, trees, and snow. It was just us. For miles. A familiar feeling skated through my system like an old drug. One I instantly craved.
Peace.
I’d had this same feeling when I’d felt Jack for the first time. The tremors he calmed with his touch and the fire he ignited all at the same time. The same feeling when Cal took me up on the ladder and let me escape the world for a while then kissed me so softly, I wanted to stay in such a cloud forever.
Complicated.
One thing even all this space couldn’t solve was how complicated my life—our lives—had become. Because they were threaded into every fiber of my being. And escape was looking less and less likely. That, in itself, was terrifying because while there may be no escape, there was also nowhere to go from here. It was a choice I couldn’t make, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. That didn’t stop the notion from tapping on my temple.
Choose between Jack and Cal…
No. I could never.
Just the thought riddled my bones with drama, anger, sadness, and soul crushing pain. There was no good way out of this.
“Tell me how to make that stop,” Jack whispered, his lips skimming over my cheekbone. I hadn’t realized he’d gotten so close.
“What?” I asked, and looked up into his dark eyes. A snowflake landed on his black lashes, and for a moment, he looked…worried.
“Tell me how to make that look stop,” he said. I’d seen this expression on his face before. He was upset because he was…not in control. Jack had always been able to read me and always encouraged me to say what I needed to say. Own it. So I did.
“I don’t know how to make it stop.” I was still grappling with the truth that I was doomed. Doomed from ever recovering from Jack’s love and doomed from ever breathing right again from Cal’s.
All the hopes I’d once had for Jack and me, then Cal and me, were dashed. All I could hope for now was that now, at this cabin, was a momentary escape.
A flash of white caught my peripheral as it whooshed past me and smacked Jack. I stepped back and saw Jack’s left arm covered in snow. Cal was grinning wide and dusting off his snowy hands.
“Maybe you need to lighten up,” Cal called, and I didn’t know if he was talking to me or Jack or both maybe? “Having fun isn’t complicated.”
Jack glared so forcefully that the sight alone frightened me. He looked lethal as his intense gaze stayed on Cal and he took a step closer like a cheetah stalking something that it would soon take down.
“Oh…it’s on now,” Jack growled, then quickly scooped two handfuls of snow up, smashed them together forming a ball, and chucked it at Cal, beaning him in the chest.
“Ah, shit,” Cal mumbled, shaking off the hit and ducking behind the nearest tree. He wasted no time gathering more ammunition. Jack hustled to a different tree, taking cover, and threw another snowball. If I wasn’t mistaken, I thought a smile broke free when the snowball splattered against the tree, millimeters from Cal’s face.
