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“So you’re staring at your phone waiting for Dex?”
“No,” Michelle said quickly. She knew it was crazy, but she looked around to see if somehow Natalie was spying on her. “I’m not waiting for Dex.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Besides, that would be stupid. If he wanted me, he’d call.”
“That’s not tru
e,” Natalie said quickly. “Dex is a guy. Which means he’s inherently stupid sometimes.”
“Dex goes for what he wants,” Michelle defended.
“So do you, and look at what you’re doing. Sitting around, waiting for your phone to ring instead of going after what you want.”
She had a point. But wanting Dex wasn’t the problem. It was the rest of it. The rules and goals of their arrangement. Getting feelings confused into the mix was bad. She liked him, fine. But it didn’t mean she had to be stupid about it.
“You started down this path to gain some independence, right? Some adventure?” Natalie asked.
“Yes, and I am.”
“Great, then keep doing it. If you want to talk to Dex, then do it. If not, then don’t. But don’t wait. Don’t waste your time trying to be something you’re not or trying to not be something you are. It’s simple really. If you want it, go get it.”
Natalie’s advice oddly made her feel better about this. The worst thing Dex could say was no. Well, he could tell her to fuck off. But she wanted to be the bold woman that didn’t let a fear of failure keep her from going after what she wanted, and that meant putting herself out there. Maybe they could at least be friends? Yeah, right. Could she ever just be friends with Dex without wanting to rip his clothes off, desperate to feel his skin against hers?
So no matter what, this was probably a disaster waiting to happen. That was freeing in its own way.
“Thanks, Nat, you’re a good friend.”
“And wise. Don’t forget wise.”
Michelle laughed. She hung up and texted Dex before she lost her nerve. Yes, things had changed after meeting his mother, but one thing that hadn’t changed was how much she desired him. So she’d own her desire. How much she craved him. And she’d prove her power over her desire first by giving in to it, then by telling Dex good-bye. They had little time left, and if Natalie was right, she wasn’t going to waste it staring at her phone.
Dex checked the fifth harness of the night and set it on the table once it passed inspection. He was with his crew for propelling practice and equipment inventory. Scaling cliffs was part of the SAR job sometimes, and it was smart to make sure the equipment was up to code. Then of course they had to “practice” hoisting up a mock victim and tonight the role was on Gage.
Dex swore the guy just loved making all of them lift his heavy ass to make sure they still had the muscle to do it.
He was receiving the training today, not the students, which unfortunately meant it didn’t count toward Dex’s requirement to “finish training a novice.”
Michelle. He couldn’t get her out of his mind. He’d gotten all the feedback he needed from his mother. Not to mention, when Michelle admitted what her lifestyle was like before coming here, he’d realized exactly that kind of woman she’d been raised to be. Maybe what kind of woman she still was. Except she said she wanted to break free from that.
He just knew better than most that trying to defy your nature didn’t usually work out well for anyone. You had to find out who you were and then accept that, good or bad.
So is this really who she is?
She’d full-on jumped from a damn helicopter. What uptight, snobby women from his past would ever have done that? And this whole time he’d known her, she had been tough and demanding, but she’d always tried to better herself for herself. Not for anyone else.
“Distracted there, big guy?” East asked, snapping another harness next to him to check the restraint.
“I’m good.”
“Thinking about the manicure you’re going to get with the city girl?”
“Shut up,” Dex said. Like he’d ever get a manicure. Actually, if that’s what it took to spend time with Michelle, he likely would. Not that he was about to admit that to East, though. The confident prick would never let him live it down.
“Have you seen her lately?” East asked, still talking about Michelle.
Dex didn’t answer. Because no, he hadn’t seen her in a few days. He didn’t know what the hell to do. Not after the way she’d behaved after jumping into the water. On one hand, she’d proven that maybe she was different than all the other women like her. But then she’d pulled away. All but disappeared.
