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Penny shrugged. She needed to talk to someone, get some perspective, but she couldn’t go around talking about her and Sebastian.
“I’m thinking about a lot, about the future.”
Lily nodded. “Does this thinking involve another person?”
“Sort of.” How could she talk about this without revealing everything? Vagueness would have to be her friend. “I want certain things. Like a family, husband, and all that.”
Lily nodded.
“But it’s more than that. I have this picture in my head of making biscuits in the morning, then having coffee with my husband while sitting on the porch and watching the sunrise.”
“You want a home.”
“Yeah,” Penny said.
That was it exactly. And more than that. She wanted Sebastian. Because being in his arms, his warm breath against her neck, felt like home.
She shook her head. She’d known better than to go into details about what her brain churned out, but with summer gearing up, she couldn’t help but think of her mother. It was the one season Penny missed her the most, because it was the one time of year they’d had all their adventures together. Along with all the wedding and love bliss in the air, she couldn’t help but confide in her friend.
“I have this image of my husband setting up a swing set in the front yard. My dad coming home for Christmas and…” And not avoiding me like he has since mom died.
Penny knew that was why her father didn’t come around or talk to her much. She wouldn’t make him admit it, but she knew it was because she looked just like her mother. With her passing, and then Penny taking over the BBQ, her father couldn’t handle the reminder, so he’d bought a condo in Florida. She spoke to him a few times a year. They used to be close, but it was like the sight of her, the sound of her voice, made him cringe.
Which broke
her heart, because her father and mother had had a marriage that she envied. They’d shown her what real love looked like. While she didn’t doubt her father loved her, she knew he was grieving, a process Penny still hadn’t figured out how to get through. She couldn’t shake the feeling that the people she loved might at any time disappear, the same way her mother had.
“It’s wonderful to want all those things,” Lily said. “And you’ll have them.”
“I want other things too. Like passion.”
“Ah.” Lily nodded. “And you think you can’t have both?”
She knew she couldn’t. Because Bass was passion and heat and every naughty fantasy she’d wrapped up into a big ball of lawyer awesomeness. But the rest? Like a future or commitment or house? No, he had made it clear a long time ago that he didn’t do any of those things. She might have to realize that no matter her efforts, he might never want the things she did.
“It’s not likely,” Penny finally admitted. Not unless she moved on from Bass. But the thought of giving him up stung her chest. She wanted to try. Try for more with him. Try for longer. Try for anything he’d give her.
They’d made strides as a couple, but she knew she was losing him. If she could sell the idea that longer term wasn’t scary, maybe he’d push the two week end date back.
Maybe. That was a far cry from yes.
But maybe was a lot better than no. It was a delicate situation, and she had to approach it as such. Not her strong point. Since every time Bass came around, her bratty, challenging side came out, which recently had ended with her begging or screaming his name.
“I’m not the perfect person to give advice,” Lily said, glancing at Alex playing by the water. “But you have to decide what you’re willing to give up and what you’re willing to fight for.” She patted Penny’s shoulder. “If there’s something or someone you want, make it happen. But don’t chase a dream that isn’t there. Sometimes, you have to adjust your expectations.”
She nodded. Lily was right. Problem was, she didn’t know which expectation to adjust. If it came to her prince charming or fairy tale ending, which one would she choose if they didn’t match up? She looked over Lily’s shoulder and saw Sebastian walking toward them.
He’d come.
Shirtless, in board shorts and aviator glasses, a towel slung over one shoulder, and all that tan skin. When he smiled her direction, her heart fluttered.
He was what she wanted her happily ever after to look like.
Before she could drool and swoon her fill, a different voice came from behind her.
“Penny?”
She turned, recognizing the voice enough to make bile rise in her throat.
