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“God no!” she shot out. “Yes, his coming into town with the woman he cheated on me with is…weird. But it made me realize how stagnant I’ve been. I’ve been letting what happened with him affect my sex life.”
Or lack thereof.
She needed to move on for herself, but she needed to be prepared to face Eli. And wanted to feel confident when that encounter happened. But more than that, she wanted to finally understand what it meant to be passionate. To give in to the instincts she’d suppressed for far too long. To feel on fire for someone—on fire for Sebastian.
“I’ve seen you on dates,” he said.
“Yeah, with men that I have nothing in common with. And Ryder’s only made dating more difficult.”
“He just wants to protect you.”
“I know, but I don’t need protecting. I need freedom. Need to enjoy my life.”
Eli had been a big obstacle. When she got the news about him coming to town, she’d known she would have to face down a painful moment. She was feeling increasingly more alone and isolated, and it was slowly suffocating her. Even if Sebastian only did two weeks at a time, surely it was enough for her to learn and have a chance to really move on with some experience under her belt. To find a man that she could be passionate about long term.
“Ryder scares most men off. The few guys that do come around are boring. Not the kind of men I’m interested in.” Nothing like you. “I can’t keep living like that.”
“He scares the bad ones off. You’re a white picket fence kind of woman. Not a…” He waved his hand absently.
“Not a what?” She looked down at herself, that stupid insecurity doubling. “Not a sexy woman?”
He hit her with a hard look. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. Everyone treats me like I’m some adorable doll.”
“You’re a good girl.”
“But that’s not all I am.”
“I know. But you deserve good things. You’re a relationship kind of woman. The marrying kind. And I’m not interested in either.” He shook his head.
Yes, she was interested in those things. Her parents had a great marriage, and she’d always wanted the same for herself one day. But she also wanted to ditch the chastity belt and feel like a woman. And she needed Bass’s help with that. She had to seal this deal before she lost him for good. This was her one chance to lay it all out there.
“What if I’m not looking for a relationship? I can be discrete.”
He raised a brow. “You planned this, didn’t you? This game of seduction.”
“I had a mission—”
“And I was your target.”
Penny was silent, and she couldn’t tell if he was pissed, or really pissed. Sure, she’d gone into this with him as her target, but it was because she trusted him. Had her whole life. Because over the years, he’d demonstrated time and again that he cared about his friends. Including her. He wouldn’t hurt her, but he could have a sharp bark…and maybe even a sharper bite.
“So let me get this straight,” he said. “You set out to seduce me tonight, hoping we’d fuck around in secret?”
“Something like that,” she mumbled.
She wanted experience, and she wanted him. Whatever he’d give her. So what if he usually dated out of town women for a short period of time? She was tired of living in a bubble.
She could do short term if it meant they’d finally stop dancing around what both of them wanted. She was determined to move on. To explore her sexuality and stop living like an empty shell of a woman.
“If you won’t help, that’s fine. But I’m done with celibacy. I’m done letting my heavy-handed brother dictate who’s suitable dating material. And I’m for damn sure done watching life happen around me. I’m going to do this with or without you. But I want it to be with you.”
His jaw clenched, and she hoped to God she hadn’t just overplayed her hand.
After an agonizingly long moment, he spoke. “Are you sure you know what you’re asking? Sure you can handle what I’d offer? ”
“You like control,” she said, repeating his words from earlier and trying not to smile. She could hear the hunger in his voice. With any luck, he was moments from signing on for a sexy exploration with her. “I can handle that.”
