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His thoughts exactly. He grinned, but stopped short, because the truth was, the woman in his arms was rocking a lot in his own world. Like, the whole damn atmosphere.
“You’re the one who’s shaking up my life, sweetness.”
She looked up at him, and he kept her close so he could continue slowly kissing her lips, taking little tastes, like she was the last spoonful of sweet cream and he wanted every drop.
“You don’t seem like a shakable guy,” she whispered, then gently met his tongue with the tip of her own. It took all of his will to keep the languid pace and light brushes from escalating prematurely. Because he was ready to dive deep and get lost for the whole night.
“I’m not,” he admitted. “But I’ve had my moments.”
“Tell me,” she asked, and the softness in her voice, paired with the way her breath hit his face, made him give in. Something, once again, he shouldn’t do. But Whitney was there with him, making him feel like he wanted to confide in her. As if, in this one moment, just the two of them, away from prying eyes and the reality of a public persona, he could be himself.
“I’ve followed the wildness all the way, and it didn’t turn out well for me.”
Her hand smoothed up his stomach, his pressed shirt giving off a crisp sound as she went, as if she were quietly urging him to go on.
“I was young,” he said, “I got caught up in a woman that had certain interests. I thought I was one of them. I was too far gone to see what she was really after, and I almost lost everything.”
Whitney’s mocha eyes searched his for a moment, then she leaned in. Her nose skimmed along his jaw as she tilted her head, and a look of anger and sadness crossed her face.
“You are more than…” She trailed off, and Ryder really wanted to hear the rest of that thought, but she changed gears. “What do you mean you almost lost everything?”
“I eloped with her. My money, my inheritance, my family’s legacy, it all came into play. I knew that. My father had warned me about it every day of my life. But I was young. Stupid. I didn’t think she’d want anything more than me.” He shook his head. “Luckily, I got out of it without losing too much of my family’s money or good name.”
Just talking about it filled him with anger at himself. She could have taken his family to the cleaners. The settlement hadn’t hit them too hard, but that wasn’t the worst part. It was that Ryder had flat out lost control and given in to what he shouldn’t have—his own wants, his own desires—with no thought for the consequences.
“It’s hard to imagine that you eloped.”
“Not one of my finest moments,” he rasped. “Which is why I don’t jump into anything. Don’t play casual and don’t—”
“Go for women with nothing to offer,” she said, and the expression that crossed her face was one he couldn’t stand.
“I was going to say that I stay away from things that tempt me past the point of reason.” Using a single fingertip, he raised her chin until her dark gaze was back on his. She was the most tempting thing he’d ever encountered. Which was why he did know better than to pursue her. He was trying to control his addiction, and he was slipping. He felt it every time she was in his arms. And try as he might, he kept finding her back in them.
“I’m not looking for anything from you, Ryder,” she said. And that admission should have made him feel better, but it didn’t. It hit against his chest like a rubber bullet and left a painful numbness. “You looked dressed for a night out,” she breathed against his lips.
He had decided to go to the BBQ and ask her out. Again. Then she would have turned him down. Again. Then he’d persist and, once she agreed, he’d finally prove to himself he could control himself around her after all.
The plan had been doomed from the start, though. He ought to just cut himself off from her completely. But the truth was, he enjoyed Whitney—everything from her body to her company. What was more, he enjoyed who he was with her, bad idea or not. With her, he got to be real, and she allowed that. Welcomed it, even.
He needed to lie to her now, find the words that would send her away from him before he got himself in any deeper. But she wanted from him only what was real, and though he knew it would make things worse, he wouldn’t betray her with anything less than the truth.
“I just want to spend the night with you. However you want.”
She looked him in the eyes. “How about a compromise?”
He trailed his lips along hers and said, “I’m listening.”
“You want a dinner date. I want to eat you for dinner… How about we meet in the middle and I cook for you this time?”
He smiled against her mouth and said the one word she’d given him over the past couple of weeks that always made his pulse quicken with anticipation.
“Deal.”
Chapter Eleven
“I really do love your cooking,” Ryder said, spooning up a helping of dessert.
“Yes, well, I worked hard on this meal,” Whitney fibbed. Obviously she hadn’t baked since they were in her hotel room.
