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“Kacey was all I had,” she said. “She was really sweet, always setting goals and looking on the bright side. She took joy in every damn thing in life.”
Ryder nodded, listening intently.
“She died last year. Car accident. I was with her.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetness.” His low tone made her heart swell. He was there, not pushing, not asking, just letting her talk. Letting her be who she was. He wasn’t reaching out to rub her arm like she was some broken, pitiful thing. He simply held out another spoonful of dessert, and she took the bite.
“I miss her. I try to live the way she did. Moving. Experiencing everything I can.”
“Smart.”
She frowned. “You think so?”
“You do what you want, when you want. Always moving, no one to answer to. You live for yourself and for your sister. I can see the appeal of that. Heck, in some ways, I envy you.”
“But sooner or later, won’t it catch up to me?” she asked, not because she meant it but because she’d heard it so many times she couldn’t stand to hear it again.
“No,” Ryder said with seriousness
. “I don’t think anything can catch up to you, sweetness. You’re a special kind of wild.” She smiled, and heat spread from her mouth to her stomach. “But sooner or later, you may want to be caught. For real.”
Was he serious? He couldn’t be talking about himself…could he? He couldn’t honestly be thinking that she’d stay… Or could he? And if he was serious, could she stay? Would she want to?
No, surely not. There was a reason she lived in the moment and never stayed in any place or with any one person for too long. And as far as staying here with Ryder, hadn’t he just said it himself? Their very natures were on opposite ends of the spectrum. As much as she yearned for roots, she was wild at heart. And as much as he yearned to be wild, he was rooted in Diamond with all the self-control he could summon.
“I’ll never want to be caught for real,” she whispered. It was too permanent. There was too much life to live. Too many memories to outrun.
Ryder set the bowl on the bedside table. “Then I pity the person who tries to catch you.”
Her chest stung on his admission, and she didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how to think, because he was taking up too much room in her mind and her heart. She needed to get back to her plan. This was supposed to be casual, right? No dates. No romance. None of the heavy emotions he was pulling out of her.
Which meant it was time to poke Ryder until that alpha side of his took over.
“You came in tonight and said you thought of tasting me?”
He nodded.
“Want to know what I thought of when I saw you the first time?” she asked.
He raised a brow. Clearly he wasn’t welcoming the subject change, but when she crawled toward him and unbuttoned the top clasp of his shirt, then the next, then the next, the movement of his chest shifted rhythm, from shallow inhales to deep breaths.
“I thought of how you would take me. Would you be hard or soft?” She undid another button. “Fast or slow?” The last button opened, showing his impressive skin and hard torso. “Mostly I wondered what your hands would feel like on my skin.”
His gray eyes looked over her and stopped on his hat atop her head. “I’m starting to see your fondness for a certain look. I think I just developed a crush on a cowgirl.”
She tipped her hat the way she’d seen people do in old west movies, then in her best Ryder Diamond impression, she said, “Not a cowgirl.”
“Maybe not, but I like my hat on you. I’d like it better if that was all you wore, though.”
His hot gaze had turned molten, and finally she was getting back to where she needed to be. There was safety in limiting what was between them to just sex. That was all she could offer, and that was all she could take.
Ryder sat forward and cupped her face. She braced herself for his kiss, was dying for it, but he kept a fraction of distance between them. His scent wrapped her up, almost as much as his heat.
“Whitney…” He whispered her name. “Thank you for the compromise. I’m…glad I know you.”
A fist closed around her heart, and a rush of air stuck somewhere along her windpipe. It was the most genuine thing she’d ever heard. Her skin felt like fabric, and Ryder was tearing at the seams of her entire being.
“I’m glad I know you, too,” she whispered.
