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My heart stilled and heat rushed behind my eyes. I tried to make my mouth work, but only managed to open and close it a few times.
“I’m so sorry,” Hazel said. “Do you know her well?”
I knew her well enough. She had drive and ambition, and really wanted to help her mother and make a difference in New York.
“She’s very nice.” I glanced at my lap.
I knew how vicious the media could be. And if a video was released? I shook my head. Poor woman. The ridicule and stress must have eaten away at her. Everyone made mistakes, but Jane didn’t deserve this.
A chill broke over my spine at the thought of being amidst that scandal in the same way Jane was. I didn’t want that. Was terrified actually. Now I was in the shadows. Still unnamed. Something I hoped would stay that way.
“So tell me about Columbia,” I said with a smile, and perused the menu.
>
“Paige, we can talk about this if you want.”
“Nope,” I said. Not because I was heartless, but because, if I was honest, I was on the brink of losing my shit and not handling this at all. Just thinking of this mess, of Jane, of all of it, was enough to break down the small sense of security I’d started to build. No, I needed a subject change. Desperately.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Haz.” I shot her a look that told her I was serious. “Please, I just want to hear about Columbia.”
Hazel pushed her glasses a little farther up her nose. “Okay.” She obviously wasn’t convinced, but it was for the best. I just wanted to hear about something good.
“Columbia is amazing. Do you ever have this feeling that you finally belong? I walk around campus and just feel like I finally got to the place I’ve been running toward.”
I smiled because my friend looked honestly happy.
“Haz, that’s great. I want to come visit so you can show me around.”
“Definitely! It does make me miss you so much and the fun times we had at NYU together. Everything changes so fast.”
“It does,” I said, realizing just how much had changed, and how I tried so hard not to let it affect me. But it did.
“So, I want to hear about your job.”
I barely covered a scoff because the first thing that came to mind was that I had just set up a date for my boss, the same boss I kissed last weekend. It was also the same boss that would be showing up to meet Russian Model McPerfect-Boobs in a couple hours. To whom I of course sent roses. They were to be delivered to their dinner table at ten o’clock sharp.
“Things are going well,” I said. “Working on a project, keeping busy, met some heads of business.”
“That’s great. Are you liking the world of shipping, or missing politics?”
“Kind of both. I’m learning a lot and feeling busy and that’s nice. But I do miss politics too. Still, some of the men I’ve met over the past month have different companies or investors. I’ve been setting some groundwork to try for a job with one of them in the future.”
“You always think four steps ahead.”
I shrugged. “I have to. This job is temporary.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s smart. I never questioned that. It’s the reason Amy and I go to you with everything. Your impeccable logic.” Hazel smiled but somehow I felt like her statement wasn’t really a compliment. Thinking four steps ahead tended to take me out of the present, a fact Hazel had pointed out to me several times over the years. “I just hope you get a chance to enjoy yourself. Maybe take a break. You worked night and day in the governor’s office and now this job has you living on site. It’s so demanding.”
“I’m here tonight. That’s a social life, thank you very much,” I joked, but Hazel wasn’t laughing.
“I’m serious, Paige. I hope you are taking some time for yourself.”
“I’m fine. Thank you, though.”
Hazel nodded, dropping the subject. One thing I wasn’t fine with was the buzzing of my phone from the third missed call from my mother today. I also wasn’t fine with the reason Amy wasn’t here tonight. Roman was a good man. Protective. But it still stung that I was the leper of the group who no one wanted to touch.
Since I had a fun-filled bus ride back to Albany later, I decided to have a beer. Maybe two.
