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“I could have just come to you, you know,” she said, stepping aside so I could enter. “You don’t need to see this—it’s not exactly the penthouse condo at The Stratum.”
I went past her into the apartment. It was neat and clean but otherwise in very sad shape. The sagging hardwood floors were worn thin. It was a studio, so the so-called kitchen opened onto the main living space. Her oven looked as if it were built for a doll. There was a forlorn purple futon in the middle of the room. Other than a boxy television set and a stunted-looking spider plant, that was pretty much it.
“I thought you made decent money with Elena,” I said, looking around.
“I do,” she said. “But I have other people to take care of.”
“Your brother.”
She nodded, her face impassive. I was pretty sure her brother was the only reason she’d agreed to come back to me.
I stood there, clenching and unclenching my fists. Audrey said nothing. Her face looked puffy and red, as if she’d been crying.
“Are you read
y to go?” I asked.
“Of course,” she said formally.
I wasn’t sure how to handle her right now, or what to say. I just wanted her back. The dark mix of emotions behind that want, the pressing need I had to be with her—all of that got shoved to the back of my mind, where I could ignore it at my leisure.
“Audrey…” I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me, but she was as stiff as a board against my embrace. I immediately let her go. I couldn’t stand to feel her like that, indifferent and limp against me. I remembered her face last night. She’d smiled at me at one point, when I was on top of her. And I’d known then what I knew right now.
But I didn’t let myself think about it. Instead, I led my highly compensated prisoner out the door and pondered my next move.
Audrey
James had now seen my flea-trap apartment. He knew about my brother. He’d been inside me every which way, and he knew what I tasted like. He knew what I sounded like when I came…
What I sounded like screaming his name.
He had all of my ugly pieces laid before him, exposed.
I didn’t want to be in this position—getting back into his car, Kai studiously not looking at me.
I knew my face was puffy, and I knew James knew why.
I hated him.
But I needed him.
Not him, I reminded myself—I needed his money. I had to keep Tommy at the home. If I could finish this job, I would make enough money to pay for his expenses for a long time. And I could try to earn as much as possible in the meantime, to finally get ahead for once in my life. Maybe I could even stop turning tricks. Go back to school. Get a day job.
This could be a dream come true. It would be like a winning lottery ticket.
But to get to that place, I had to be with James again.
And all I wanted to do was run.
I sighed, resigned, and slid into the seat. James closed the door behind us and stared out the window. He didn’t bother trying to touch me again after our awkward embrace upstairs. And yet, he’d told Elena that he now wanted me for sex.
He was buying. I would give him what he wanted. Even though I wanted to run, I would make myself stay. I would go to the remaining events and the wedding, and then I would spend the following week on the beach with his family. I would pretend to be his adoring girlfriend. I would bend over backward for him, come when he called, and suck his cock so hard he would have an atomic orgasm. If that’s what he wanted.
We drove over the bridge and back into the city. The early-morning traffic was just picking up. I looked up at the buildings in the Financial District, and I remembered how he’d wrapped his arms around me last night, the way he’d looked at me. I thought I’d seen something in his eyes, something that mirrored what I’d been feeling. My heart twisted. It was all a lie, and it was no one’s fault but my own. I’d lied to myself, and I could no longer pretend that there was something between us.
Don’t think about it, I warned myself.
If I’d ever felt like a whore, it was now.
