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I reached for her, but she stepped back. "You know what I want."
"What'd you think was going to happen between us? Really?"
"Not this," I said. "Not you leaving me."
"Being around our parents is the reality check I needed. I don't want this either, but I have to get out before… before things go too far. Which is already." She raised her hand at a passing cab, and it pulled over. "I just don't want to make it worse."
I stood there, watching her, as the sky opened up. "I said I was sorry about what I said about your mom. I'm sorry." I sounded like a sniveling shadow of a man, and I didn't care.
"It's okay. I've probably said just as bad about your father." She shook her head. "But look at what we're doing to each other. There's too much history. Thank you for everything you've done for me." She looked as though she was going to lean over and kiss me good-bye, but she hesitated, and the moment passed. "Go back inside. You're getting soaked."
Then she got into the car and disappeared. I just stood there, with no shirt and no shoes, as the rain crashed miserably over my head. Once her car had disappeared in the traffic, I shuffled back into the hotel, trekking water across the marble floors.
"Mr. Jordan—" Britta started breathlessly.
My glare cut her off cold. "Please have a bottle of Grey Goose sent up to my room." I sloshed past her. "And if anyone calls for me, tell them to fuck off."
Lowell
I don't want to keep going until we hurt each other. My words rang in my ears. But I was already hurting. I felt as if I'd ripped out my own heart.
I shut my eyes tight against the image of Kyle looking at me like that—betrayed, shirtless, standing in the rain. But of course shutting my eyes couldn't stop the images from playing in my head.
I'd never hated myself as much as I did in that moment.
"Please take me to the Plaza," I told the driver.
I was going to go to my mother's suite, get cleaned up, and take the first flight out of Boston. The idea of dealing with Lucas, Shirley, Gigi, my producers, and everyone else when I got back was sickening, so I shut my mind against it. I would be fine, no matter what.
Because Kyle was better off without me.
* * *
"You look like shit." My mother stood aside and let me in.
"Gee, thanks, Mom." I stood in front of her bathroom mirror and wiped mascara from underneath my eyes.
"What happened?" she asked.
"I'm going back to LA." I shrugged and hustled past her to the suite's kitchen, which she would surely never touch. I grabbed a paper towel and tried to squeeze-dry my hair. "I'm gonna take the redeye."
"What about Kyle?"
I shrugged again, as if I had no answer for her.
"I spoke with Pierce."
All I wanted to do was get away from her and go home. "I heard."
"He didn't seem as interested in me as you said."
I rolled my eyes. "I said he asked about you. I didn't say he wanted to marry you again."
Sighing, she sat on the couch. "You know dear, I'm not as young as I used to be. My options are… more limited."
"Mom, get over it. You're still hot."
"Well, I appreciate that, but I am getting older, darling." She spoke if she was trying to sound dignified. "That's why I need to think about making sure I'm okay in the future. That I'm taken care of. That's why it's so important that you're successful. I need you to be able to take care of us. I was hoping Pierce might be interested so I didn't have to lean on you so hard…"
