AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I clear my throat and turn off vibrate on my phone. My head’s killing me from lack of sleep. My body, in general, is exhausted. I’m emotionally a wreck.
Emotional is not a substantial enough word. What’s wrong with me?
My throat gets tight as I set the phone down and I see a message from Nathan pop up. Are you done?
A warmth flows through me, almost relaxing. As if knowing he’s thinking of me eases some of the pain etched deeply into my soul.
He texts me again before I can justify texting him back. I want to see you before you leave.
It’s easier to just cut things off and run.
It’s what he did to me and I understand why.
If I see him, I’ll cave.
So instead, I run.
Chapter 21
Nathan
* * *
“If you break your phone, I’m not buying you another,” Mark says from across the conference room. The signed contracts for upcoming promotions are the only papers on the twelve-foot-long table. He leans back in his seat, seemingly casual, but I know him better.
I try to respond with something, anything, but no words come to mind. I can’t think about anything other than Hally. This meeting is the only thing that kept me from watching her today. That, and the fact that she told me she needed space.
That’s a new one from her and it’s a cruel one too. Because it gives me too much hope.
“You’ve been tense all day,” he says to break up the silence.
“Are we done here?” I ask him, pocketing my phone and intent on going straight to Hally’s dressing room. I pick up the pen, set it down on the stack of papers and push them forward, closer to him, although there’s no way he’d be able to reach them. It’s just to signify that I’m done with this.
He lets out an uncomfortable sigh, pulling at his tie and focusing on the checkered pattern before looking back up at me. “Is it Harlow?” he asks.
Shame is the first thing I feel and it’s what makes me break his gaze. I can’t look anyone in the eye, knowing I’ve lost her again. And it’s my fault, I know it is. I’ve shut her down time and time again. There’s only so much a person can take.
I should have been there for her years ago. Just like I’ve been doing all day, I take my phone out and see that she’s seen the messages, but she hasn’t responded.
The dry ache in my throat and the plummeting in my chest overwhelm the anger.
This isn’t a stupid high school game. We’ve both grown up.
This isn’t a fight either; I know how Hally approaches them.
She doesn’t want me.
Plain and simple.
I know how I messed up. I just don’t know how to make her forgive me.
“If you two split,” Mark interrupts my thoughts and my eyes rise to his. I forgot he was even here. I forgot where I was. “We’ll lose this deal. Well, one of the two of you will. There’s no way they’ll believe you can work together,” Mark says and then cuts off his words. As if he’s just now realizing I’m pissed off.
“What I was saying,” Mark continues, shifting in his seat. “We have plenty of new deals available.”
I tap my fingers on the table, the rest of my body like a stone. I don’t even think I can repeat back what he said beyond the words, “If you two split.”
“We’re not breaking up,” I answer him simply. Denial. I hear the sinister whisper in the back of my skull, but I ignore it. “It’s just a fight,” I tell him although the excuse is more for me.
“And what’s this fight about?” he asks.
I hesitate, and he takes the time to explain. “I’ve never seen you like this,” he says.
“And?” I dare him to continue.
I can practically see the wheels turning in his head, wondering whether or not he should tell me what’s on his mind.
“This isn’t you,” Mark suggests, gesturing with his hand.
I haven’t been myself in years. I forgot who I was. And that’s the way I wanted it to be. “The only person who truly knows me is her, Mark,” I tell him and the raw honesty hurts.
She knows every flaw and every weakness. And she’s never exploited them. She’s loved me in spite of it all. My eyes close and my head falls back as I realize I haven’t told her how much it means to me. How everything else could vanish and if only she was left, I would still feel complete.
She should know that, shouldn’t she?
If there’s one thing I should tell her, it should be that.
“Where are you going?” Mark asks me.
“To her room,” I answer him quickly and dare him to question it.
His eyes narrow as he tilts his head. “Is she really worth it?” he asks and it’s the worst fucking thing he could have done. My knuckles crack as I make two fists and push them against the table as I lean forward to answer him, holding back my rage and the desire to destroy him for questioning how much I love her. How much I need her. I wasn’t even living until she came back to me.
