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I frowned, troubled. Was water calling to him now or something? Or did he simply find it soothing because of his childhood? I lay back down, snuggling into his side with my head on his chest. The hand stroking my hair lost its pigment and I released my breath and smiled, even though I couldn't see his face. He was still my Lend. The Lend no one else could see.
"I haven't seen my mom in a while," he said, a hint of worry in his voice.
"You haven't?"
"No. I think this might be the longest she's ever gone without showing up. "
Something from one of the forms I'd filed tickled my memory-something about being unable to account for local elementals. I made a mental note to ask Raquel about it, since I couldn't very well bring it up with Lend.
Wanting him to talk, I asked, "What was it like, having her as a mom?"
He shrugged, my head on his chest rising with the gesture. "I don't know-it's not like I have anything to compare it to. I think my dad compensated the best he could, and when I was a kid I didn't know any better. He had to keep me isolated, so I figured most moms were sometimes there and sometimes not, talked funny, and gave their kids presents of tropical fish schools in the middle of a pond in Virginia. "
"I think it sounds sweet. "
"It was. I love my mom. It was hard for a while, when I realized we'd never really share a life, but it is what it is. And I know she loves me. "
"How could she not?" A familiar ache settled into my chest. Even Lend with his water elemental mom at least had that: the knowledge that he was and always had been loved. And always would be, too, since he would live forever just like Cresseda.
"Do you ever wonder, if maybe yours are still . . . " he asked, trailing off, but I knew how he'd finish. Out there. If somewhere my parents (if I even had parents) were living and going about their normal lives. Without me.
"I don't know. I don't like to think about it. What if they really did just abandon me, give me to the faeries? Or what if I was made-if the faeries were-are-I don't know. It's not worth thinking about. "
He reached up and stroked my hair. We'd talked about my family issues before, but what was the point? I wasn't getting any answers, and I didn't like the questions. I'd never had a real home or a mom who brought me schools of fish for entertainment, and I never would. It was fine. I was fine.
"It's been too long since we got to be together like this," Lend said after a few silent minutes. His real voice was like a cascade, warm and liquid and so deliciously sexy I could listen to nothing else for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. I let it work its way through me, releasing the tension I'd built up in my shoulders. That stuff didn't matter. This was what mattered.
"Mmm hmm. " I closed my eyes and breathed him in. A cold breeze stirred over us, and I felt my hair lift in response, all my limbs feeling lighter, disconnected and more connected at the same time. It was like my body answered the wind.
That was new. I darted a quick glance at the sky, but there were no signs of sylphs. Lend pulled the other blanket on top, disconnecting me from the breeze. I was both relieved and strangely disappointed at the loss of the new sensation.
"Tell me about school," I said, banishing all thoughts of paranormals. Besides us, of course.
I listened, half paying attention to his excited stories of professors and classes as I enjoyed the rise and fall of his chest. He was always so animated, talking about schedules for the next year, seminars, internships. His goal was to get degrees in biology and zoology, then pursue a masters in zoology, with the end being intensive studies of cryptozoology, studying the creatures on the verge of science. Given what he knew, he had a natural advantage. And really, it was perfect for him. He could be normal but still help the paranormals he loved so much. His main aspiration right now was to study werewolves and try to isolate what caused it-maybe even cure it.
He loved thinking about, planning for, and working toward the future. It made my heart ache. I wondered again how things would change when he found out he wasn't mortal. Would he still be so set on this future he'd mapped out? Or would it feel pointless to him in light of the fact that he had eternity? Would he switch to immortal pursuits like . . . umm, living in ponds and dispensing incomprehensible advice?
I wondered what was wrong with me, too. I didn't have any goals. Whenever I tried to think of something I'd be happy doing for the rest of my life, I could only worry that the rest of my life wouldn't be long enough to do anything at all. I desperately wanted to go to Georgetown, but that was just so I could be with Lend. My future felt like a huge blank, dependent on variables I couldn't control.
"I still haven't decided whether or not I should go to med school. But where else am I going to study cellular biology?" He sighed, then laughed. "Okay, enough of that. What have you been up to the last couple of days?"
I bit my lip. The whole poltergeist thing wasn't worth mentioning. Or the faerie. Or agreeing to one stupid assignment with IPCA and getting stuck in the Center. It'd bother him, and, really, it hadn't been that big a deal. But it would be nice to be able to talk with him about how bad I missed Lish lately, how weird not being able to go in my old unit was, how being with Raquel made me happy and annoyed at the same time.
Too bad I couldn't.
"Oh, you know. The usual. With you gone and Easton Heights in reruns, my life is a black hole of boredom and despair. "
"So basically you've been doing homework. "
"Like I said, black hole. "
He stroked my hair while I tried not to think about all the things I wasn't telling him.
"How are you feeling?"
"Snuggly?"
"No, I mean, after the sylph. Nothing weird?"
