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"I just happen to be smarter than you is all. "
I pinched his hand as hard as I could, then decided to change the subject. It kind of bothered me that Jack knew more about this stuff than I did-shouldn't I have been the expert?
"Where's this vampire again?" I was a little surprised that Raquel was pulling me for a basic vamp bag and tag. They really were strapped for help. Sure, I was about a thousand times more efficient because I didn't have to bother with mirrors and holy water, but anyone who knew what they were looking for could conduct an efficient stakeout.
Oh, I kill myself.
A sly smile spread across Jack's face. "Vampire? Who said anything about a vampire?"
"Umm, you did? I thought Raquel wanted me to bag and tag a vamp. "
"Who said anything about Raquel?"
"What are you talking about? Where are we going?"
"I thought you and I deserved to have a little bit of fun. " Jack stopped, his grin spreading as he opened a door. I watched, more nervous than I cared to admit, to find out what, exactly, lunatic boy considered fun.
Chapter Fifteen
Virgin Dreams
I shook my head in disbelief at the creature standing in the middle of a dappled, sunlit meadow, gazing at me with its doleful brown eyes. My most cherished childhood possession (growing up in foster care, I didn't have many) had been one of those felt-and-marker posters I colored in myself: a unicorn rearing in front of a rainbow and waterfall. I'd given it a multicolored mane but kept the coat pristine white, as all unicorns ought to be. I daydreamed more often than was healthy that I'd somehow been transported into that velvet-lined fantasy, the unicornmine, and together we'd ride off to a home behind the rainbow, happy and strong, and we'd never be alone again. That unicorn was power, and magic, and beauty incarnate.
Apparently this unicorn hadn't gotten the memo. It was ugly. Like, seriously ugly. Coat a mottled brown and gray; horn a dingy, stubby thing; hair a matted mess. It looked more like a goat than anything else, with a small, filthy beard and square pupils.
Oh, and the stench? Skunks have nothing on unicorns.
The dang thing kept trying to nuzzle me while I did my best to dodge it. So much for dramatic images of knights on unicorn stallions, too. This creature couldn't carry a child, much less a man in armor. Its head barely came up to my chest, which added a whole new level of discomfort to its continued nuzzling attempts.
Jack hung upside down from a limb of one of the surrounding trees. I couldn't place where we were, but it was warm enough that my coat was uncomfortable, and the sun filtered through the leaves in a green and gold haze. Really, the meadow itself was almost magical, if the bleeping unicorn weren't screwing up the idyllic setting.
Jack laughed at my attempts to avoid being felt up by a mythical beast. "Apparently you're a virgin. "
"Shut up! Like that's any of your business!"
He shrugged, the motion less effective upside down. "Unicorns love maidens. Haven't you done any research at all?"
"What, you have?"
He flipped off the branch, startling the unicorn so badly it bolted from the meadow. Thank heavens. "The Center's iron filing cabinets? Not really an issue if you can open a door through any wall and aren't a faerie. "
"So what, you read secret files?"
"Among other things. Someone really ought to tell Raquel to modernize. Paper is so medieval. Now. " He held out his elbow in a disingenuously gentlemanly gesture. "How about we go and have some real fun?"
"What, shattering my one remaining fantasy wasn't enough?" Faeries didn't have wings and bordered on evil; pixies were dirty, feral, and tended to bite; and mermaids had neither glorious hair nor seashell bras. Now this about unicorns. Sometimes reality sucked.
"You can always chase the unicorn, if you want. Take it for a ride. "
I shuddered at the thought and sat down, leaning my back against the tree and unzipping my coat. "No, thanks. But let's stay here for a while. It's warm. "
Jack flopped down next to me, lying flat with his hands behind his head. "I can always find warm. "
"That must be nice. "
He laughed. "It comes in handy. "
"Where are we, exactly?"
