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I thought of Lend and what we talked about so many times, arguing over his dad's methods versus IPCA's. There were no absolutes. You couldn't put things into neat little categories of "good" or "bad. " Uber-vamp was bad. Arianna was good. But they were both vampires. Regardless of what some faeries were doing (and I couldn't argue that the Dark Queen didn't deserve hell), that didn't mean they were all irredeemable.
I looked at Jack, his cherub face twisted with eagerness and rage. He was letting his hatred of the faeries destroy him, the same way Vivian had let her bitterness at the world destroy her. I wouldn't give the faeries that victory. Whatever else happened in my life, it was still my life, and no one-not Reth, not Jack-was going to force me to become someone I didn't recognize.
"I can't," I said softly, wanting to let Jack down easy. "It's wrong. Faeries are awful, but I'm not their judge. Maybe if I knew how to send them home, but I'm not going to banish them to hell for being what they are. "
"What are you saying?" Jack's voice was low, trembling. There was no trace of his disarming smile now.
"I can't do this. Those places-I can feel them, and I can't do it, can't send anything there. "
I jumped, startled as Jack burst into a sharp laugh. "You can't? You can't? I've been living in hell for the last thirteen years, and you're balking over sending these demons where they belong?" He squeezed my hand so hard it hurt. "I'm afraid that's not acceptable. Not after all the work I put into getting you here. "
I'd never thought to be afraid of Jack, silly, cartwheeling Jack, but staring into his eyes, I knew that paranormals weren't the only monsters in the world. "Can we go somewhere and talk about this?"
"No, we can't go somewhere and talk about this. " He imitated my voice, sneering. "Do you know how long it took me to figure this out? To steal the faeries' lore books, ingratiate myself at IPCA, convince Raquel to pull you back in? How many missions I had to screw up, how many problems I had to create until she was desperate enough to call you? And do you have any idea, any idea at all, how hard it is to track down a sylph?"
"You were-that was you?" Things started clicking into place-terrifying things. That night at the Center, the faerie hadn't been after me. She had been after Jack for stealing her books. Reth really hadn't been behind any of the attacks.
"Finding the fossegrim was a little easier, but I nearly drowned explaining what I wanted him to do. And still you barely took anything! Then we lucked into finding the vampire. You had more than enough time to drain him in Sweden, but no, you tell him to run away, so I had to drag him unconscious through the Paths on Halloween. Don't even get me started on Fehl. I wait my whole bloody life for a faerie name, then use my only named command to have her hurt you without killing you, and what do you do? Banish her! Heaven and hell, Evie, you're worthless!"
I stared at him, shocked. "This whole time. You've been manipulating me, trying to make me-How could you?"
"For all the good it did me!" His face burned with hatred. "Open the gate. Now. "
"I won't!"
He lightened his grip on my hand and I felt a fresh surge of panic. "Jack, I-"
"What was that you told me about your personal hell? Lost in the Paths forever?"
Tears spilled out of my eyes. "Please. "
"Open the gate. "
"Please take me home. Please. "
His dimpled smile, evil in its innocence, snapped back into place. "You don't have a home. But fair is fair. You won't send the faeries to hell, I'll leave you in yours. "
"No!" I screamed, trying to grab his hand with both of mine, gasping from the pain in my broken arm. He slipped from my grasp effortlessly and flashed me one final grin before stepping backward into the darkness away from me.
And then I was alone.
Chapter Forty-One
Hello, Hell
I was alone.
I was alone in the Faerie Paths.
Once the connection was broken, you could never find the other person. Ever. Again. And no one would be able to find me in the infinite blank darkness. All the times I'd woken up, panicked and sweating from this nightmare, and now . . .
Oh, please, please let this be a nightmare.
I looked frantically around. Maybe I could find Jack again. Maybe what I'd heard about the Paths was a lie, just another thing Raquel told me so that I wouldn't mess around on transports. "Jack?" I called, my voice ringing through the silence almost scarier than the silence itself. Because once my voice stopped without an echo, snuffed out like a light, the silence felt even heavier, a palpable weight on my shoulders.
I had options. There had to be options. The door! We were right by the door to the Faerie Realms. I put my hand out, shaking and desperate, feeling for it. The only thing I sensed were tendrils of the gates to chaos-hell-those swirling, evil places Jack had wanted me to send the faeries.
What if I tried to open a door and opened a gate, instead?
