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"Say your name," Reth said again, his voice insistent.
I narrowed my eyes, then formed the word; it felt foreign and strange on my tongue, the lip movements forced. "Evie. "
"No, your real name. "
"Neamh. " I gasped and closed my eyes, breathing deep to hold on to the flare of my own soul, lost amid the power of the Light Queen's. "Oh, gosh, Neamh, Neamh, Neamh. Me. " And Lend. The image of him popped up in my brain, the memory of his touch, his laugh, the way he made me feel. I clung to it, our relationship as much a part of me as my own soul.
"You okay, baby sister?" Vivian asked, putting her arm around me. It didn't burn anymore-it felt the same as my skin. "I should have figured it'd affect you more since you've never built up a tolerance. They can take over pretty fast. "
"I'm good. I think. I know who I am, at least. " It hadn't sto
pped the other feelings, but I could separate from them. I could feel the weight of the faeries' stares on me, and I wondered how they felt about what I'd done. I dared to look out at them, and was met with equal parts sadness and peace in their faces. I hoped we'd be able to pull this off; otherwise I doubted they'd be so chill with the fact that we'd ended the lives of their queens. "Okay. We need to get to the pond and make this bleeping gate. " Not only were we almost out of time, but I wasn't sure how long I could keep the Light Queen's soul from overwhelming mine and making these changes permanent.
Vivian leaned close, so close I could see her real eyes underneath the brilliant light of the soul inside her. "We could maybe keep them? Just you and me, forever?"
"Vivian," I said, despairing.
"Kidding! Totally kidding. " I sincerely doubted it, but she took my hand. "Let's make a gate!"
Reth took my other hand, and I moved his hand into the crook of my elbow, letting him put all his weight on me. Jack took Vivian's, then immediately let it go with a hiss. "Ouch!" he said, shaking his burned hand. "I'll go get all the people left in the meadow to Lend's house and then meet you. Don't start until I'm there, though. If this place implodes or something while I'm in it, I'll be very upset. " He disappeared, and the entire clearing around us lit up as door after door was opened, and all the faeries left behind their carefully crafted world.
"Evelyn," a voice that felt familiar said. I turned to see a faerie whose soul was ragged and dim, tarnished among the pristine brilliance of the others. Worse even than Reth's. I didn't know that soul. "I can't go back unless you tell me I can. "
I frowned, and then I realized how I knew the voice. My faerie father. The one I'd banished to the Faerie Realms forever. The part of me that held onto my soul had an instant and harsh desire to leave him here. He'd be alone and lost until the end of time-the same way he left my mother and then me. He deserved it.
But I was better than he was. More proof that he had no claim to the soul I'd made in spite of him. "Melinthros, you may enter the mortal realms for the sole purpose of leaving through the gate. " He stood straighter, but I hadn't finished yet. "And while there you absolutely cannot have any carbonation whatsoever. "
Okay, maybe I was a bit petty after all. But the way his shoulders slumped back down as he stumbled off was highly gratifying.
"That was good of you, Evelyn," Reth said. I shrugged and, for the last time ever, we walked through a door and into the darkness, my own light filling my vision so not even the Faerie Paths could darken it.
Chapter Forty-Two
WE'RE NOT DAWN YET
The night was clear and sharp in a way only winter nights with a bright moon can be, every leaf and twig and rock brought into colorless contrast by the pale white light. Or maybe I could see them all for the same reason I could sense the borders of this world pressing in all around, hinting and dancing at the paths and possibilities of other realities.
"Evie!"
Lend's voice rang through me, a welcome reminder of who I really was. I smiled and turned around, nearly knocked over when he ran into me and grabbed me up in a hug. "I was so worried! You should have taken me with you. I-" He stopped dead, his arms tightening around me even more as he looked over my shoulder. "Umm, you do know Vivian's here, right?"
"Oh, is she? I hadn't noticed. " He looked at me, scared, then rolled his eyes when he saw my smile. "It's okay. She's here to help me. "
"That's me, helpful Vivian. And, flaming souls, Ev, your boyfriend is beautiful. "
I smiled even bigger, soaking up this way of seeing him, his soul blue like reflected light off rippling water, alive and shimmering and dancing, his and his alone. Unlike the last time I'd been overwhelmed with other souls inside me, I wasn't even a little bit tempted to take his.
"What is it?" Lend asked, noticing my stare as he wrapped his scarf around my neck. I was far, far from cold right now, but it was sweet of him. "And why is your voice different?"
"You really are beautiful. And I really want to kiss your brains out. But I've got to make a gate and save the world and stuff first. "
"Kiss my brains out after?"
I bit my lip. "Are you going to. . . will there be an after?"
"Hurry, please," Reth said.
Lend ignored him and pulled me in closer, his lips touching my ear. "The only world for me is the one you're in. Let's make the best life we can here and not worry about what comes after. I want to grow old with you. "
