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"You can't!" Lend said.
I shrugged, putting on a brave smile. "It'll be okay. They can probably fix me. I mean, Reth was able to put soul into me on this side. He should be able to do it on the other side, right?"
I looked from Vivian to Lend for reassurance, but neither of them had any to give. I needed them to be brave for me, to tell me it was going to work out. I'd come so far to get this bright, happy soul of my own, to figure out who I was and how to love and let myself be loved. I didn't want to give it up, and I needed to know it would be okay.
"Lie to me!" I shouted. "Tell me it's going to be okay!"
Lend shook his head. "There's no way I'm letting you use your own soul to close the gate. " He stood straighter. "Use mine. "
"What?"
"Take mine! I have more than you do anyway, right? It only makes sense. "
"But who knows what that would do to you on the other side! You would be mortal! We'd have no idea how long you'd live, how it would change you. "
He smiled bravely, shrugging. "I never asked to last forever. I'm not interested in immortality; you are the life I chose. "
"Oh, will you two shut up?" Vivian stomped over to us, her white-blond hair whipped up into a bizarre halo around her head and her cotton gown barely staying on. "'Let me sacrifice myself!' 'No, let me sacrifice myself!' 'I love you more than the eternities!' 'No, I love you more than the eternities!'" She was pale, her huge, manic eyes wide. Maybe having and then losing the Dark Queen's soul really had tipped her over the edge. "This one's all me. "
She pushed Lend away from me and slammed her palm against his chest. I screamed, clawing at them, but he looked her in the eyes, then nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Okay," he said.
"What are you doing?" I tried to pull her arm away from him, but she shoved me to the ground with her free arm and pushed her foot against my chest so I couldn't get up.
I watched in horror as the light I could see from Lend got dimmer and dimmer, his glamour fading in and out. He grimaced in pain but didn't move. Vivian closed her eyes, throwing her head back from the rush.
"Vivian!" I shouted.
Her eyes opened, and she came back to herself, snapping her hand away from Lend's chest. He collapsed against a tree, hand over his heart as he panted. He quickly shifted through a variety of glamours before dropping them all and looking down at his water skin, then putting his head back in relief that everything seemed normal. Well, as normal as he ever was. I jumped up, touching his face, his chest, trying to see how much she'd taken, see whether or not he'd be okay.
"It's fine, Evie. I'll be fine. " Lend gave me a pained smile, putting his normal glamour back on. I could still see his soul, but it was a faint hint now, like mine.
"How could you do that?" I screamed as I spun around to Vivian who now glowed with Lend's own soul's light. "How could you take that from him? Do you hate me that much?"
"No! It's the best gift I can ever give you. You gave me everything, Evie. You gave me the soul I never deserved to have. So I'm giving you and Lend the life you deserve together. "
"I-" My jaw dropped as I realized she hadn't been attacking Lend at all. "You're going through. "
She bared her teeth at me in her crazy, off-kilter smile. "In case you hadn't noticed, the only thing I have on this planet is you. If you left, where would I be?"
"But you don't want to live with the faeries forever!"
She laughed. "I dunno, an eternity of pissing them off and being a thorn in their sides? I can live with that. Plus I can keep your vampire friend company, right?"
I shook my head. "You don't have to. I can still do this. "
"No, you can't. But will you walk me there?" She held out her hand and I took it in mine.
Lend struggled to stand upright but I waved him away. "I'll be back," I said, my voice breaking because, thanks to Vivian, it was true. He nodded in understanding as Vivian and I braced ourselves and stepped out of the shelter of the trees, tripping forward with the wind shoving us toward the gate.
We barely managed to stop directly in front of it. "Are you sure?" I shouted.
Vivian nodded. We hugged, clinging to each other, and she put her lips to my ear to shout, "I'll see you in your dreams, okay, stupid?"
I nodded, even my tears being whipped away and through the gate. Vivian stepped back and let herself be pulled through to the other side.
The light was so bright it hurt my eyes, but I didn't look away, wouldn't look away. She jolted like an electric current had run through her body, then opened her pale gray eyes. But they weren't the empty pale gray they'd always been. They were shining and bright and bold. It was like she'd been when she was full of souls, but this time there wasn't the emptiness she couldn't get rid of no matter how hard she tried. This time it was all her, as she should be, happy and full and complete. She smiled at me, and I mouthed the only words I could say, as pathetic and inadequate as they were.
"Thank you. I love you. "
